Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Interesting that so many television shows are now writing episodes that concern PTSD and how it affects lives. "Madame Secretary's" latest offering centered around Tea Leoni's character being caught in an ambush as she visited a dignitary in his home. The writers did a pretty good job of showing what PTSD can look like from outside. I thought the confusion of her family and the growing impatience within the sympathy of her coworkers, while only slightly touched on, was still accurate. But, they only had an hour so the writers seem took the easy way out and, after getting a pep talk, a therapist's business card and telling her husband what really happened "over there" after a game of Halo, everything was right in her world again. It's not that neat. Healing doesn't happen within a prescribed amount of time. Sometimes it doesn't happen at all and that's a shame.

We are committed to giving $1 of every copy of "Walking Between The Raindrops" to the Wounded Warrior Project PTSD. That's just us. You don't have to buy a book to support the incredible work these people are doing to help our soldiers. Please help support them in any way that you can.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland on sale at Amazon.com in paperback and eBook.

"$500,000 by tonight or all you'll need that money for is his funeral." February 27, 2008

That's what the voice on the other end of the phone demanded of my brother-in-law at 6:45AM on Wednesday, February 27, 2008. Paul's been gone just minutes short of 24 hours.Now, we know he's alive. As an added incentive to move quickly, the kidnapper told Tom that Paul was "in a bad way...needs a doctor; maybe a hospital." My stomach lurches at the images of torture and terror that Paul's going through.

Horror turns to panic as the realization hits us that we have less than a day to find HALF A MILLION DOLLARS! Thankfully, a team is growing and assembling in Georgetown, Texas to save the day:

Sergeant Pete Hughey, Detective James Maugham, Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann and First Assistant District Attorney, Jana McKown.

Will they get there in time? Where, on earth, will we ever be able to find that kind of money? Why did this happen?

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland - An American couple's true story of kidnap-for-ransom in the United States by the most Vicious drug cartel in Mexico - on sale now at Amazon.com.

"No one could have ever invented a story like this. I was especially gratified for their honesty ...", February 22, 2015
By Bridget (Tarentum, PA USA)

"A book of true courage," February 5, 2015
By sharon

"This is a very good book. Follows the victims and suspects from the beginning to the end - seeing the suspect in jail and the victims recovering." February 26, 2015, By Barbara

Anniversary of Evil

Abduction happened here.


This Thursday, February 26, 2015, marks 7 years since the morning that turned our world upside down and changed, not only the course, but our whole lives forever. It's been said over and over that our lives can change forever in an instant. Most of us, I know I did, smile and nod as if we know what that means. But I truly believe that until it happens to you, we never really understand and, I don't think we really understand "the Grace of God" until we have only survived because of it. At least, I didn't.

I'll be posting several times over the next several days with photos (some never seen here or in the book) some video and excerpts from "Walking Between The Raindrops" to commemorate this infamous anniversary; ending where we are today.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland - An American couple's true story of kidnap-for-ransom in the United States as directed by the most vicious drug cartel in Mexico. (Now available worldwide on Amazon.com)

Some reviews -

"Excellent read! This could have happened to anyone." Mark Flickinger
"Incredible true story! Very hard to put the book down." Lance Self
"Incredible story! So well written that I find myself rechecking the locks on all my doors at night. The cooperation of all law enforcement agencies restores my faith in the system. Very impressed with the dedication and capability of Investigative and District Attorney personnel in such a small community." Darlene Miller

Do that which is hard -

http://www.kvue.com/media/cinematic/video/23646863/wife-of-central-texas-man-kidnapped-by-drug-cartel-tells-their-story/

A recent interview on a local news show was a big deal to us even if it isn't to anyone else. I don't like to have my picture taken and I'm much more comfortable behind the camera than in front of it. Yet, this had to be done. We stopped talking about the event years ago with the exception of a random mention when either Bobby or Samantha have come up for parole review or if someone asked about how the book was coming along. Not drawing attention to ourselves has become our normal operating procedure.

Once the book was done and out there, I began to think about the inquiries by the media when this all happened back in 2008 and KVUE was the one news station that seemed to actually care about what had happened to Paul not just the sensational bits. So, I picked KVUE as the news station that I would reach out to and, if they were still interested in a story, I would share it with them. We were so pleased and encouraged by their continued sensitivity and coverage. Quita Culpepper and the people at KVUE 24 are what a professional news team should be.

The interview may be good for marketing, but, the big deal, to me, is that we stepped out of the shadows and into the light. We've done that which is hard to continue to take back our lives and know we can keep going.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" on sale in print and Kindle editions at www.amazon.com.

First Impressions

I first met Detective James Maugham on a balmy day in late February some 8 years ago. It wasn't my best moment for making a first impression. I'd been crying - a lot. Our apartment was a mess. My usual polite demeanor was gone; replaced with terror and impatience. Yet, the man who sat across from me in our tiny dining room remained calm and in charge. At the time, I remember thinking he wasn't listening to me that, in fact, he was dismissing me. Looking back with the luxury of hindsight and having recently had access to thousands of pages of reports, I know now that he was not only calm and in charge, but he was listening and, more importantly, he was helping me to focus on the mystery of Paul's disappearance. I only saw him that one day and our paths didn't cross again until we began attending events at the courthouse that related to the case. In "Walking Between The Raindrops," readers will get to know Detective Maugham; a man that I believe is a true hero.

I've never had the right words to express the depth of my gratitude to him. So many people worked together to bring Paul home, but Detective Maugham was the lead person. He ran the show. For a long time, I didn't understand the depth of his dedication to his work. Now that I've gotten to know him a little better, I am proud for the people of Williamson County to have such a man stand for justice on their behalf. Detective James Maugham isn't merely bigger than life. For many of the people he serves, he IS life.

What they're saying

"Walking Between The Raindrops" is finding its way into new homes everywhere and we're starting to get some feedback. People have thoughtfully sent posts to let us know they've received their copy and that they really like the look of it, are surprised at the "heft" of it and plan to read it as soon as possible. I'm going to share with you what people tell me about the book.

"Amazon delivered the book this afternoon and I can't put it down, Mary Roland. Your writing is captivating, but I've got to get some sleep. Haha. I'll finish it this weekend. Your ordeal was terrifying enough before I knew all the details. God answered all those prayers going up for Paul & you. God is good." Barbara G, Texas

"It's heart-wrenching." "Just sends chills down my spine. Thank goodness you guys had the Lord to see you through." Sharon R, Michigan

I agree with them that God is good and He was with us every step of the way even when we weren't sure He was there.

Available Now

It's been a long time coming but the day has finally come and "Walking Between The Raindrops" is on sale in Kindle and print format at Amazon.com. ( Letting go of this book for public consumption is hard to do. I want to keep fixing. I want to make sure it represents truthfully, in every way, the heroes, the victims and the perpetrators. It's hard, too, because this is highly personal and many of these details have never been shared with anyone. We hope that those who read this book will look at the world around them in a little different way. We hope we will all be more aware - be more kind - be more engaged with the ones we love.

The support and encouragement throughout the writing of this book has been phenomenal. Every beta reader has helped to shape the published version. To you, friends, family, co-workers and the incredible heroes who saved the day and fought for justice we are forever grateful. God bless you all.

- Mary and Paul Roland

The Enemy Is Fear

In between working full time and editing full time and juggling all the other things women do daily, I've managed to watch a favorite television show on DVR, namely,"The Good Wife". A character on the show, a young attorney, is under investigation for possible collusion with a drug kingpin that he's represented. The kingpin is the big fish they're trying to reel in and young Cary is the bait. Unfortunately for Cary, the bad guy is perfectly capable and willing to eliminate threats as he wants. The FBI plays a wiretap of the bad guy arranging to have Cary done away with and lets Cary listen to it, to warn him and to get him to flip on the bad guy. A body guard is hired to go everywhere Cary goes.

The audience sees what's in Cary's head as he imagines someone walking up behind him and putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger. Cary's frightened. I know that fear. I know what it is like to have someone threaten my life and my family's life. I know what it's like to look around every corner, to watch the 3 cars behind me and the two on either side in other lanes and wonder if they will pull up and "light me up" as they say. I know what it's like to hear sounds in the night and wonder if this is how it will happen? I remember taking a 30 minute detour just so that IF the guy in the little gray Nissan behind me for the last ten miles IS following me, I can throw him off and away from my family.

It's hard to live in fear. It takes everything you've got. It's exhausting. Evenutally, like Cary (although he only took 20 minutes), you have to get tired of being afraid. You have to realize that no matter what you do, if someone is out to get you, they will find a way and you must decide to live in the light. I'm not sure when that happened for me or Paul, but it did happen. We still make note of surroundings and don't take unnecessary risks but we don't live in fear. And - when you give up fear you discover that all the day-to-day crisis is meaningless, too.

Fear is the enemy. Not Wall Street. Not the Muslims or the Chinese or the mini mini pygmies. FEAR makes us run and hide, turn our hearts and faces away and ultimately, makes fools of us all. The book may open a door to new threats against our family. We know well that these people do not like to be exposed for the cowards and animals they are. Even so, we choose to stand in the light and tell our story and hopefully, keep this kind of darkness away.

I know its been a long time coming, but I hope you will be pleased with the final version of "Walking Between The Raindrops". Pre-Sales will be available in mid-December.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

In the hands of professionals...

I have this dream that I'm watching a heart surgeon work on a patient. It's about the middle of a surgery, I think, because the chest is open, an ash-gray heart struggles to beat as stainless steel clamps and instruments flash like strobe lights above the patient's chest. There's a lot of blood and surgical assistants mop the brows of the surgeons. For some reason, I'm standing right there - gowned and masked - my gloved hands aloft in the "ready" position. I am not afraid. I am absorbed in the process. That is, until the surgeon turns to me and hands me the heart, the beating heart, and says, "Hold this for a moment. Don't let it fall." Then, I usually wake up.

Well, I feel like I'm the surgeon now and "Walking Between The Raindrops" is the heart. I've worked on it. I've massaged it. I've cut on it. Now, I have to "hand" it to someone else and let them do their part, trusting them to "not let it fall" but to make it thrive. Luckily, I'm confident that the editor that I've handed "Walking Between The Raindrops" to is going to help me do just that.

I'm so excited to announce that the manuscript is in the hands of a professional editor and once they're done, and corrections and changes are made, the book will finally be ready to launch!

Check back for more news coming soon!

GANGS - Everything I never wanted to know

Are you an expert at something? Is there something that you know more about than just about anyone else you know? Is it your passion? Your career? Maybe both? I wish I could say that I was passionate about what I've become more knowledgeable than just about everyone I know. Over the last few years, I've immersed myself in everything gang-related, specifically, Mexican drug cartels, for research in the writing of "Walking Between The Raindrops". This isn't a part of the world that I was even curious about before and I don't think they're glamorous or exciting. On the contrary - I know they are as dangerous as any terrorist organization in the world. I wanted to understand how they operated, what their tactics are and maybe get just a little insight into why they exist. I learned many, many things about these gangs and have some theories, but I still have more questions than answers.

Take this guy, for example:

Until last summer, he was the top enchilada of the notorious Los Zetas Drug Cartel. He'd risen to the top of the "queso" by outliving his predecessors and killing everyone else in his way. He is "Z-40" to his crew and notorious to law enforcement on both sides of the border. Even his closest friends feared him and his favorite brand of torture - "el guiso" or soup, where a victim is bound and beaten, then put into a 50-gallon drum of gasoline and set on fire. One close associate told a journalist that Z-40 couldn't sleep unless he'd killed at least one person a day. Accounts of his ruthless violence would smack of urban legend if it weren't for the pile of bodies he left behind all over Mexico. Yet, he recruited and led hundreds, maybe thousands of young men and women (yes, women) on both sides of the border with the promise of money and belonging.

He's not the top enchilada for that group anymore. Last summer he was arrested by the Mexican Army and whisked away to a prison near Mexico City. His brother is the leader now. And the beat goes on. I wanted to think that people got into gangs because they wanted power over others, easy money and to feel tough. Maybe some do. But how do you explain 12 and 13-year old kids wielding assault rifles and participating in murder for hire?

My theory now? As long as there are young people in the world with no structure in their lives, they will seek it out. When young people feel they have no family, they will seek a family out. If a young person has no hope of ever making their life better, they are easy to exploit with the promise of money. Young people will look for acceptance and expectations, reward and punishment in other groups if they are not receiving it at home. Everyone wants to belong somewhere. My theory is that young people who get into gangs are initially seeking family, love, respect and order even if it kills them.

Evidence

In any criminal investigation, the best results come from gathering loads and loads of evidence. We've all watched the shows - CSI, Law and Order, Dragnet and Perry Mason. Legal and crime dramas have been a favorite of mine since I was a little girl. I never imagined, however, that I'd ever experience criminal drama in a first person way. Believe me, it wasn't a desire either. Yet, when I found myself in that position, finding evidence to connect the dots of who, what, when, why and how became a near-obsession immediately. Nothing I theorized, though, holds a candle to the tenacious and thorough work of Detective James Maugham. He's one of the "Texas Heroes" in a earlier post. He was the lead officer in our case and my primary contact throughout the course of events. He never stopped. He listened - even when I thought he didn't hear me. He led the operation, directing various agencies and gathering solid evidence that rescued Paul.

In "Walking Between The Raindrops",  I've tried to walk in his shoes and see this story through his eyes, too, from the first cry for help to the last prison door closing.

Cover art that captures the terror -

Cover art for a book is almost more important than what's inside - don't you think? I know I've often picked up a book for the cover when I wasn't familiar with the author.  If the synopsis sounded okay, I would buy the book.  But, initially, it was the cover that drew me to it. Some of my favorite authors got my attention, the first time, with carefully crafted book covers.

I had some general ideas for the cover of "Walking Between The Raindrops".  But I'm not a graphic artist by any stretch of the imagination. Our son Tim is very visually artistic and I believe his work, below, has conceptualized the story in a very compelling way.

Here, now - the cover...

Dangerous feelings...

"Anger is a consuming fire that, once out of control, can destroy everything in its path. As I carefully apply foundation and concealer, touch-blend-blend, my mind plays out a myriad of painful, vengeful scenarios for the guest of honor I’m getting all pretty for. Eyeliner: swipe. His throat is slit from ear to ear. Mascara brush: he’s skinned alive. Lipstick red: a .45 hole in his chest. Makeup complete, I look around the bathroom and absently move one thing and another.  I cannot kill him, so, I must be content with killing time."

- "Walking Between The Raindrops"

Call it a bad morning on a tough day. Call it working through a painful situation. Call it what you will but, for that moment in time, I call it mine and I call it honest. Forgiveness is a hard thing to give sometimes, especially when it isn't sought after; when there's no remorse. But, I really think that when we forgive others, we give a gift to ourselves. The moment we forgive another, then we can truly become free from the pain they've caused us.

Bad Girls

Women committing crime is as old as time. Lilith, Bathsheba, Helen of Troy - the list goes on and on throughout known history and the not so known. Still, it doesn't sit well with most of us when a woman does something that defies understanding. When a woman snaps against an abuser with violence, we might not condone her behavior, but I think most of us understand what motivated her. A woman who steals to feed her children is still a thief but we sympathize with her. We've all rooted for the woman who's made bad choices for what appear to be good reasons. What, then, do we do with the woman who does bad things for no reason? What do we do about the girl who just wants to be bad?

Meet Sam.  She's young. She's attractive. She's got assistant management experience: assisting in grand theft auto, assisting in the management of prostitutes, assisting in the management of credit card theft and assisting in kidnapping and extortion. What do we do about girls like Sam?

Samantha Casablanca; booking photo - Williamson County, Georgetown, Texas

"Walking Between The Raindrops" - coming soon

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Walking-Between-The-Raindrops

Heroes - Texas Style

The heroes of "Walking Between the Raindrops" are many. I've been keeping a list of names and agency references and it's just mind boggling. Many others, I know, I'll never know about. The list in the next paragraph represents just the ones "discovered" in records and reports provided to me by different agencies.

Here's my (partial)  Hero Hall of Fame:

Williamson County Sheriff's Office -  28+ officers and detectives
Texas Department of Safety - 8+ officers and helicopter pilots
Texas DPS Texas Rangers - 10+ rangers
Hays County Sheriff's Office - 6+ officers
Texas Department of Corrections - K-9 Unit
Austin Police Department - 3+ officers
San Antonio Police Department, SAPD SWAT and ROP Units - 22+ officers and detectives
San Marcos Police Department - Unknown
CERT Team Volunteer Search and Rescue - Unknown
U. S. Marshalls Fugitive Task Force - 4+ rangers
F. B. I. - 2+ agents
Laredo Police Department - 4+ officers
Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms - 3+ agents
A very brave little girl and her mom
Tom Roland

See? Mind boggling.

Two special people, however, are central characters in this book. They led the way, ran down every lead, never slept and kept all the wheels from falling off. You can read all about them in "Walking Between The Raindrops" when the book comes out this fall.  Until then, here's a couple of shots from the e-Book added video:

                          Williamson County Sheriff's Office - Dectective James Maugham

                                                 D.P.S. - Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann

Perspectives 2

It's Easter Sunday. The early service at church was packed. I loved sitting beside Paul and family. The grandchildren were especially adorable (of course). The pastor's message was exactly what I needed to hear.  Now, thinking about it all as we wait for the grandkids to come over and hunt Easter eggs and have dinner, I can't stop thinking about the mothers and fathers, wives and children of the people who upended our lives six years ago.

What is their Easter like? What are all their holidays like without their sons and daughters - husbands and fathers? The perpetrators' children will likely have children by the time they get out of prison. Some may never see their parents alive outside of prison again. Actually, some may never leave prison at all.

I know that when those mothers first saw them as babies they couldn't have looked at them and wished or imagined that one day that little boy or that little girl would grow up to be a kidnapper, a thief or criminal of any kind. From the parents that I've seen, it's a good bet that all they wanted for those children was for them to have a good life and grow up to be good people. What do the wives tell their children? What will become of their children?

It's Easter Sunday. I thank God for all His blessings, for our children and our grandchildren. I thank Him for all our family and friends. I thank Him for the gift of His son and the promise of the Resurrection. I thank Him for watching over the families and loved ones of the kidnappers and pray that they feel His love every day. I thank Him for holding the lives of the kidnappers and pray that they feel His love, too.

Perspectives

Looking back over the last six years, since Paul's abduction, gives me a strange perspective on the human condition. Since February 2008, there have been major natural disasters all over the world, too many school shootings, wars and rumors of wars and all manner of trauma for human beings everywhere. There have also been grand gestures of great populations around the world lending support and help to the world's most needy or devastated. Celebrities and politicians, students and organizations and faiths of all kinds rally together to send aid and money when horrible things happen to others.

The kindnesses I remember in our case weren't blasted all over by the media. They were quiet acts of kindness. Quiet acts of strength. Quiet acts of encouragement from people who were strangers, now friends, and existing friends who, by their acts then and still, define the very word.  They were from law enforcement. They were from the justice system. They were fellow victims. They were people who cared before we needed care; who continue to care today.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" is our journey from victim to victorious. It's the true story of heroes with uncompromising ethics in a world full of blurred lines. It's the true story of international organized crime terrorizing an average American family - average American grandparents. It's also the true love story of two people whose lives were torn apart and rebuilt.
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