In between working full time and editing full time and juggling all the other things women do daily, I've managed to watch a favorite television show on DVR, namely,"The Good Wife". A character on the show, a young attorney, is under investigation for possible collusion with a drug kingpin that he's represented. The kingpin is the big fish they're trying to reel in and young Cary is the bait. Unfortunately for Cary, the bad guy is perfectly capable and willing to eliminate threats as he wants. The FBI plays a wiretap of the bad guy arranging to have Cary done away with and lets Cary listen to it, to warn him and to get him to flip on the bad guy. A body guard is hired to go everywhere Cary goes.
The audience sees what's in Cary's head as he imagines someone walking up behind him and putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger. Cary's frightened. I know that fear. I know what it is like to have someone threaten my life and my family's life. I know what it's like to look around every corner, to watch the 3 cars behind me and the two on either side in other lanes and wonder if they will pull up and "light me up" as they say. I know what it's like to hear sounds in the night and wonder if this is how it will happen? I remember taking a 30 minute detour just so that IF the guy in the little gray Nissan behind me for the last ten miles IS following me, I can throw him off and away from my family.
It's hard to live in fear. It takes everything you've got. It's exhausting. Evenutally, like Cary (although he only took 20 minutes), you have to get tired of being afraid. You have to realize that no matter what you do, if someone is out to get you, they will find a way and you must decide to live in the light. I'm not sure when that happened for me or Paul, but it did happen. We still make note of surroundings and don't take unnecessary risks but we don't live in fear. And - when you give up fear you discover that all the day-to-day crisis is meaningless, too.
Fear is the enemy. Not Wall Street. Not the Muslims or the Chinese or the mini mini pygmies. FEAR makes us run and hide, turn our hearts and faces away and ultimately, makes fools of us all. The book may open a door to new threats against our family. We know well that these people do not like to be exposed for the cowards and animals they are. Even so, we choose to stand in the light and tell our story and hopefully, keep this kind of darkness away.
I know its been a long time coming, but I hope you will be pleased with the final version of "Walking Between The Raindrops". Pre-Sales will be available in mid-December.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Sunday, July 6, 2014
GANGS - Everything I never wanted to know
Are you an expert at something? Is there something that you know more about than just about anyone else you know? Is it your passion? Your career? Maybe both? I wish I could say that I was passionate about what I've become more knowledgeable than just about everyone I know. Over the last few years, I've immersed myself in everything gang-related, specifically, Mexican drug cartels, for research in the writing of "Walking Between The Raindrops". This isn't a part of the world that I was even curious about before and I don't think they're glamorous or exciting. On the contrary - I know they are as dangerous as any terrorist organization in the world. I wanted to understand how they operated, what their tactics are and maybe get just a little insight into why they exist. I learned many, many things about these gangs and have some theories, but I still have more questions than answers.
Take this guy, for example:
Until last summer, he was the top enchilada of the notorious Los Zetas Drug Cartel. He'd risen to the top of the "queso" by outliving his predecessors and killing everyone else in his way. He is "Z-40" to his crew and notorious to law enforcement on both sides of the border. Even his closest friends feared him and his favorite brand of torture - "el guiso" or soup, where a victim is bound and beaten, then put into a 50-gallon drum of gasoline and set on fire. One close associate told a journalist that Z-40 couldn't sleep unless he'd killed at least one person a day. Accounts of his ruthless violence would smack of urban legend if it weren't for the pile of bodies he left behind all over Mexico. Yet, he recruited and led hundreds, maybe thousands of young men and women (yes, women) on both sides of the border with the promise of money and belonging.
He's not the top enchilada for that group anymore. Last summer he was arrested by the Mexican Army and whisked away to a prison near Mexico City. His brother is the leader now. And the beat goes on. I wanted to think that people got into gangs because they wanted power over others, easy money and to feel tough. Maybe some do. But how do you explain 12 and 13-year old kids wielding assault rifles and participating in murder for hire?
My theory now? As long as there are young people in the world with no structure in their lives, they will seek it out. When young people feel they have no family, they will seek a family out. If a young person has no hope of ever making their life better, they are easy to exploit with the promise of money. Young people will look for acceptance and expectations, reward and punishment in other groups if they are not receiving it at home. Everyone wants to belong somewhere. My theory is that young people who get into gangs are initially seeking family, love, respect and order even if it kills them.
Take this guy, for example:
Until last summer, he was the top enchilada of the notorious Los Zetas Drug Cartel. He'd risen to the top of the "queso" by outliving his predecessors and killing everyone else in his way. He is "Z-40" to his crew and notorious to law enforcement on both sides of the border. Even his closest friends feared him and his favorite brand of torture - "el guiso" or soup, where a victim is bound and beaten, then put into a 50-gallon drum of gasoline and set on fire. One close associate told a journalist that Z-40 couldn't sleep unless he'd killed at least one person a day. Accounts of his ruthless violence would smack of urban legend if it weren't for the pile of bodies he left behind all over Mexico. Yet, he recruited and led hundreds, maybe thousands of young men and women (yes, women) on both sides of the border with the promise of money and belonging.
He's not the top enchilada for that group anymore. Last summer he was arrested by the Mexican Army and whisked away to a prison near Mexico City. His brother is the leader now. And the beat goes on. I wanted to think that people got into gangs because they wanted power over others, easy money and to feel tough. Maybe some do. But how do you explain 12 and 13-year old kids wielding assault rifles and participating in murder for hire?
My theory now? As long as there are young people in the world with no structure in their lives, they will seek it out. When young people feel they have no family, they will seek a family out. If a young person has no hope of ever making their life better, they are easy to exploit with the promise of money. Young people will look for acceptance and expectations, reward and punishment in other groups if they are not receiving it at home. Everyone wants to belong somewhere. My theory is that young people who get into gangs are initially seeking family, love, respect and order even if it kills them.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Perspectives 2
It's Easter Sunday. The early service at church was packed. I loved sitting beside Paul and family. The grandchildren were especially adorable (of course). The pastor's message was exactly what I needed to hear. Now, thinking about it all as we wait for the grandkids to come over and hunt Easter eggs and have dinner, I can't stop thinking about the mothers and fathers, wives and children of the people who upended our lives six years ago.
What is their Easter like? What are all their holidays like without their sons and daughters - husbands and fathers? The perpetrators' children will likely have children by the time they get out of prison. Some may never see their parents alive outside of prison again. Actually, some may never leave prison at all.
I know that when those mothers first saw them as babies they couldn't have looked at them and wished or imagined that one day that little boy or that little girl would grow up to be a kidnapper, a thief or criminal of any kind. From the parents that I've seen, it's a good bet that all they wanted for those children was for them to have a good life and grow up to be good people. What do the wives tell their children? What will become of their children?
It's Easter Sunday. I thank God for all His blessings, for our children and our grandchildren. I thank Him for all our family and friends. I thank Him for the gift of His son and the promise of the Resurrection. I thank Him for watching over the families and loved ones of the kidnappers and pray that they feel His love every day. I thank Him for holding the lives of the kidnappers and pray that they feel His love, too.
What is their Easter like? What are all their holidays like without their sons and daughters - husbands and fathers? The perpetrators' children will likely have children by the time they get out of prison. Some may never see their parents alive outside of prison again. Actually, some may never leave prison at all.
I know that when those mothers first saw them as babies they couldn't have looked at them and wished or imagined that one day that little boy or that little girl would grow up to be a kidnapper, a thief or criminal of any kind. From the parents that I've seen, it's a good bet that all they wanted for those children was for them to have a good life and grow up to be good people. What do the wives tell their children? What will become of their children?
It's Easter Sunday. I thank God for all His blessings, for our children and our grandchildren. I thank Him for all our family and friends. I thank Him for the gift of His son and the promise of the Resurrection. I thank Him for watching over the families and loved ones of the kidnappers and pray that they feel His love every day. I thank Him for holding the lives of the kidnappers and pray that they feel His love, too.
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