The Enemy Is Fear

In between working full time and editing full time and juggling all the other things women do daily, I've managed to watch a favorite television show on DVR, namely,"The Good Wife". A character on the show, a young attorney, is under investigation for possible collusion with a drug kingpin that he's represented. The kingpin is the big fish they're trying to reel in and young Cary is the bait. Unfortunately for Cary, the bad guy is perfectly capable and willing to eliminate threats as he wants. The FBI plays a wiretap of the bad guy arranging to have Cary done away with and lets Cary listen to it, to warn him and to get him to flip on the bad guy. A body guard is hired to go everywhere Cary goes.

The audience sees what's in Cary's head as he imagines someone walking up behind him and putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger. Cary's frightened. I know that fear. I know what it is like to have someone threaten my life and my family's life. I know what it's like to look around every corner, to watch the 3 cars behind me and the two on either side in other lanes and wonder if they will pull up and "light me up" as they say. I know what it's like to hear sounds in the night and wonder if this is how it will happen? I remember taking a 30 minute detour just so that IF the guy in the little gray Nissan behind me for the last ten miles IS following me, I can throw him off and away from my family.

It's hard to live in fear. It takes everything you've got. It's exhausting. Evenutally, like Cary (although he only took 20 minutes), you have to get tired of being afraid. You have to realize that no matter what you do, if someone is out to get you, they will find a way and you must decide to live in the light. I'm not sure when that happened for me or Paul, but it did happen. We still make note of surroundings and don't take unnecessary risks but we don't live in fear. And - when you give up fear you discover that all the day-to-day crisis is meaningless, too.

Fear is the enemy. Not Wall Street. Not the Muslims or the Chinese or the mini mini pygmies. FEAR makes us run and hide, turn our hearts and faces away and ultimately, makes fools of us all. The book may open a door to new threats against our family. We know well that these people do not like to be exposed for the cowards and animals they are. Even so, we choose to stand in the light and tell our story and hopefully, keep this kind of darkness away.

I know its been a long time coming, but I hope you will be pleased with the final version of "Walking Between The Raindrops". Pre-Sales will be available in mid-December.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

GANGS - Everything I never wanted to know

Are you an expert at something? Is there something that you know more about than just about anyone else you know? Is it your passion? Your career? Maybe both? I wish I could say that I was passionate about what I've become more knowledgeable than just about everyone I know. Over the last few years, I've immersed myself in everything gang-related, specifically, Mexican drug cartels, for research in the writing of "Walking Between The Raindrops". This isn't a part of the world that I was even curious about before and I don't think they're glamorous or exciting. On the contrary - I know they are as dangerous as any terrorist organization in the world. I wanted to understand how they operated, what their tactics are and maybe get just a little insight into why they exist. I learned many, many things about these gangs and have some theories, but I still have more questions than answers.

Take this guy, for example:

Until last summer, he was the top enchilada of the notorious Los Zetas Drug Cartel. He'd risen to the top of the "queso" by outliving his predecessors and killing everyone else in his way. He is "Z-40" to his crew and notorious to law enforcement on both sides of the border. Even his closest friends feared him and his favorite brand of torture - "el guiso" or soup, where a victim is bound and beaten, then put into a 50-gallon drum of gasoline and set on fire. One close associate told a journalist that Z-40 couldn't sleep unless he'd killed at least one person a day. Accounts of his ruthless violence would smack of urban legend if it weren't for the pile of bodies he left behind all over Mexico. Yet, he recruited and led hundreds, maybe thousands of young men and women (yes, women) on both sides of the border with the promise of money and belonging.

He's not the top enchilada for that group anymore. Last summer he was arrested by the Mexican Army and whisked away to a prison near Mexico City. His brother is the leader now. And the beat goes on. I wanted to think that people got into gangs because they wanted power over others, easy money and to feel tough. Maybe some do. But how do you explain 12 and 13-year old kids wielding assault rifles and participating in murder for hire?

My theory now? As long as there are young people in the world with no structure in their lives, they will seek it out. When young people feel they have no family, they will seek a family out. If a young person has no hope of ever making their life better, they are easy to exploit with the promise of money. Young people will look for acceptance and expectations, reward and punishment in other groups if they are not receiving it at home. Everyone wants to belong somewhere. My theory is that young people who get into gangs are initially seeking family, love, respect and order even if it kills them.

Who would you pick?

A common remark throughout this experience has been, "This isn't like real life. This is like a movie!" Because I have a film background, the comparison isn't lost on me. As the book has taken form and all the details were written down, including reports, interrogations and testimony, it has often reminded me of writing a script.  Paul and I have even talked about who we would cast as key characters in a film version of "Walking Between The Raindrops".  

Here are our picks for "Walking Between The Raindrops" (fantasy movie) with Paul's choices first and mine 2nd.  Sometimes we agreed but most of the time, we didn't:

Character - Paul

or

Character - Tom

or

Character - Detective James Maugham (too late, we picked)

Character - Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann

or

Character - Sergeant Pete Hughey (again, too late, we picked)

Character - Jana McCown

or ??

Character - Michael Jarrett

or ??

Your turn. Don't feel like you have to cast them all - but pick one or two or more and tell me - who would you pick?

Evidence

In any criminal investigation, the best results come from gathering loads and loads of evidence. We've all watched the shows - CSI, Law and Order, Dragnet and Perry Mason. Legal and crime dramas have been a favorite of mine since I was a little girl. I never imagined, however, that I'd ever experience criminal drama in a first person way. Believe me, it wasn't a desire either. Yet, when I found myself in that position, finding evidence to connect the dots of who, what, when, why and how became a near-obsession immediately. Nothing I theorized, though, holds a candle to the tenacious and thorough work of Detective James Maugham. He's one of the "Texas Heroes" in a earlier post. He was the lead officer in our case and my primary contact throughout the course of events. He never stopped. He listened - even when I thought he didn't hear me. He led the operation, directing various agencies and gathering solid evidence that rescued Paul.

In "Walking Between The Raindrops",  I've tried to walk in his shoes and see this story through his eyes, too, from the first cry for help to the last prison door closing.

Cover art that captures the terror -

Cover art for a book is almost more important than what's inside - don't you think? I know I've often picked up a book for the cover when I wasn't familiar with the author.  If the synopsis sounded okay, I would buy the book.  But, initially, it was the cover that drew me to it. Some of my favorite authors got my attention, the first time, with carefully crafted book covers.

I had some general ideas for the cover of "Walking Between The Raindrops".  But I'm not a graphic artist by any stretch of the imagination. Our son Tim is very visually artistic and I believe his work, below, has conceptualized the story in a very compelling way.

Here, now - the cover...

Dangerous feelings...

"Anger is a consuming fire that, once out of control, can destroy everything in its path. As I carefully apply foundation and concealer, touch-blend-blend, my mind plays out a myriad of painful, vengeful scenarios for the guest of honor I’m getting all pretty for. Eyeliner: swipe. His throat is slit from ear to ear. Mascara brush: he’s skinned alive. Lipstick red: a .45 hole in his chest. Makeup complete, I look around the bathroom and absently move one thing and another.  I cannot kill him, so, I must be content with killing time."

- "Walking Between The Raindrops"

Call it a bad morning on a tough day. Call it working through a painful situation. Call it what you will but, for that moment in time, I call it mine and I call it honest. Forgiveness is a hard thing to give sometimes, especially when it isn't sought after; when there's no remorse. But, I really think that when we forgive others, we give a gift to ourselves. The moment we forgive another, then we can truly become free from the pain they've caused us.

Heroes - Texas Style

The heroes of "Walking Between the Raindrops" are many. I've been keeping a list of names and agency references and it's just mind boggling. Many others, I know, I'll never know about. The list in the next paragraph represents just the ones "discovered" in records and reports provided to me by different agencies.

Here's my (partial)  Hero Hall of Fame:

Williamson County Sheriff's Office -  28+ officers and detectives
Texas Department of Safety - 8+ officers and helicopter pilots
Texas DPS Texas Rangers - 10+ rangers
Hays County Sheriff's Office - 6+ officers
Texas Department of Corrections - K-9 Unit
Austin Police Department - 3+ officers
San Antonio Police Department, SAPD SWAT and ROP Units - 22+ officers and detectives
San Marcos Police Department - Unknown
CERT Team Volunteer Search and Rescue - Unknown
U. S. Marshalls Fugitive Task Force - 4+ rangers
F. B. I. - 2+ agents
Laredo Police Department - 4+ officers
Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms - 3+ agents
A very brave little girl and her mom
Tom Roland

See? Mind boggling.

Two special people, however, are central characters in this book. They led the way, ran down every lead, never slept and kept all the wheels from falling off. You can read all about them in "Walking Between The Raindrops" when the book comes out this fall.  Until then, here's a couple of shots from the e-Book added video:

                          Williamson County Sheriff's Office - Dectective James Maugham

                                                 D.P.S. - Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann

Crime Scene Characters

After waxing philosophic for a few days, I got back to the nuts and bolts of getting on with "Walking Between The Raindrops" yesterday.  Overall, it was a satisfying day. Well over 2000 words written and ever closer to finishing the first pass. Today, I hope to finish PART 2, the largest chunk of the book. Part 3 will be a smaller bit. Much smaller.

First, however, I'm reviewing pictures that might be added to the end of Part 2: evidence pictures and videos. Crime scene photos are messy. Snap! Go! Nobody takes the picture to put the subject in the best light. Yet the visceral smack-in-the-face is always exactly right.

For this book, I believe evidence and crime scene pictures are characters, of a sort, with important dialogue. They move the story forward in ways that words would take too long. Check out what these photos are saying about the place that Paul was held for two days.