I found this picture of the apartment. Just seeing it, even after all this time, makes my stomach lurch. Places really do take on the emotions we assign to them. Sometimes the association is pleasant as in a favorite family member's home or the little cabin in the mountains where a person may have spent a romantic weekend. Walt Disney knew the power of emotion and place when he built Disneyland. Generations have enjoyed the "magical kingdom" and returned with their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. The same will be said about Disneyworld and the many countless theme parks that have sprung up since then. So, true is the opposite association. A painful emotional connection to a place can be just as powerful in repelling return encounters.
In this case, it's really sad that I have the negative reaction to this place that was once our home. If I allow myself to get past the initial reaction, pleasant memories come back, too. We enjoyed family holidays here. Grandchildren laughed and played. A young woman who would become our daughter-in-law visited us here and traveled to a foreign country with us from here, our meeting place. Auditions for my short film were held here. Cast run-throughs before filming were done here. Crew meetings solved technical issues. Writing was done here. Paul and I planned and dreamed here. And then, like the screech of tires on pavement followed by an ear-splitting crash and explosion of glass, it was all shattered that morning in 2008. Now I have to stop and give myself a few moments to let the happy memories filter in like sunlight through shattered safety glass - a bit distorted but still bright.
"Walking Between The Raindrops" - coming soon...
