Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Interesting that so many television shows are now writing episodes that concern PTSD and how it affects lives. "Madame Secretary's" latest offering centered around Tea Leoni's character being caught in an ambush as she visited a dignitary in his home. The writers did a pretty good job of showing what PTSD can look like from outside. I thought the confusion of her family and the growing impatience within the sympathy of her coworkers, while only slightly touched on, was still accurate. But, they only had an hour so the writers seem took the easy way out and, after getting a pep talk, a therapist's business card and telling her husband what really happened "over there" after a game of Halo, everything was right in her world again. It's not that neat. Healing doesn't happen within a prescribed amount of time. Sometimes it doesn't happen at all and that's a shame.

We are committed to giving $1 of every copy of "Walking Between The Raindrops" to the Wounded Warrior Project PTSD. That's just us. You don't have to buy a book to support the incredible work these people are doing to help our soldiers. Please help support them in any way that you can.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland on sale at Amazon.com in paperback and eBook.

Why?

Since "Walking Between The Raindrops" went on sale and the television interview was done on KVUE-TV 24, I've had lots of reactions and all of them supportive. Many look at this as a way for Paul and I to heal. Many tell me how brave I am for sharing the story publicly. It has helped the healing process but that's not why I wanted to publish the book. I'm not brave either.

The reason for the book going public is that I see what happened to us as endemic to what is happening around the world. Whether it's religious fanatics, organized crime gangs, political terrorists or any other brand of thug, they are all the same. They are all BULLIES. What I want from publishing this book - what I pray for - is for all of us to stop the bullies who think stealing a PERSON, their sense of self, their family's sense of security and peace is acceptable in any sense. If we don't stand up to them now, we all are liable to be victims to one bully gang or another.

Standing up to bullies is scary, but living in fear is worse. I know.

Where are you on this chart?


"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland - on sale at Amazon.com

This is how they roll...

In writing "Walking Between The Raindrops", one of the most interesting parts of the research and discovery process, for me, was reading transcripts of interrogations, as well as, watching and listening to video of the five arrested criminals being interviewed. Portions of these interviews, the best parts, are in the book. Most of the interviews took many, many hours and were repeated over time, either to corroborate stories or to assist other agencies in specific aspects of their own investigations. Paul told the officers who'd rescued him that there were many more people involved than the three initially arrested or the five here and he was more right than anyone ever expected! Although 5 were arrested, tried and convicted in his case, there were at least 6-8 more people in Texas who were named by these 5 who may have been arrested later on felony charges of credit card theft, auto grand theft and other crimes in other jurisdictions because of the investigative work done on this case. Or, they're still out there - for now. Still others, in Mexico, are either in prison, dead or at large.

I don't know what I expected the first time I watched the interviews. They each had their own "shtick" which Det. Maugham and Ranger Lindemann easily handled. AB was a talker. Bart was the tough guy (in his own head). Samantha played little lost stoner-girl. Bobby played stupid white guy. Jorge tried to play dumb on many levels. Yet, they each rolled, in one way or another, hoping to get out of the trouble they'd so cavalierly landed themselves into. Some of their words are chilling, some are ironic and, in Jorge's case, some are nearly laughable. In each case, "Walking Between The Raindrops" allows readers to sit inside the room and hear their words exactly as they said them.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland is available in print and Kindle, in the US, Canada, Mexico and Europe on Amazon.com.

First Impressions

I first met Detective James Maugham on a balmy day in late February some 8 years ago. It wasn't my best moment for making a first impression. I'd been crying - a lot. Our apartment was a mess. My usual polite demeanor was gone; replaced with terror and impatience. Yet, the man who sat across from me in our tiny dining room remained calm and in charge. At the time, I remember thinking he wasn't listening to me that, in fact, he was dismissing me. Looking back with the luxury of hindsight and having recently had access to thousands of pages of reports, I know now that he was not only calm and in charge, but he was listening and, more importantly, he was helping me to focus on the mystery of Paul's disappearance. I only saw him that one day and our paths didn't cross again until we began attending events at the courthouse that related to the case. In "Walking Between The Raindrops," readers will get to know Detective Maugham; a man that I believe is a true hero.

I've never had the right words to express the depth of my gratitude to him. So many people worked together to bring Paul home, but Detective Maugham was the lead person. He ran the show. For a long time, I didn't understand the depth of his dedication to his work. Now that I've gotten to know him a little better, I am proud for the people of Williamson County to have such a man stand for justice on their behalf. Detective James Maugham isn't merely bigger than life. For many of the people he serves, he IS life.

Inside the interrogation

As we gave Lt. Matthew Lindemann of the Texas Rangers his copy of "Walking Between The Raindrops," we talked about how far we've come together and how much work there still is to keep this kind of crime off the streets of our country. Sadly, it may get worse before it gets better.

Readers of this book will come to know some of the excellent work our law enforcement agencies do, both, in concert with each other and as separate entities. "Walking Between The Raindrops" gives readers an inside seat to actual interrogations of all the suspects and the harrowing confessions. With patience and precision, Ranger Lindemann and Detective James Maugham obtained the critical evidence needed to secure indictments and convictions. I can only imagine how much their work on this case helped agencies across the state and elsewhere to stop other senseless crimes.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland is available in print and Kindle versions at Amazon.com.

In the hands of professionals...

I have this dream that I'm watching a heart surgeon work on a patient. It's about the middle of a surgery, I think, because the chest is open, an ash-gray heart struggles to beat as stainless steel clamps and instruments flash like strobe lights above the patient's chest. There's a lot of blood and surgical assistants mop the brows of the surgeons. For some reason, I'm standing right there - gowned and masked - my gloved hands aloft in the "ready" position. I am not afraid. I am absorbed in the process. That is, until the surgeon turns to me and hands me the heart, the beating heart, and says, "Hold this for a moment. Don't let it fall." Then, I usually wake up.

Well, I feel like I'm the surgeon now and "Walking Between The Raindrops" is the heart. I've worked on it. I've massaged it. I've cut on it. Now, I have to "hand" it to someone else and let them do their part, trusting them to "not let it fall" but to make it thrive. Luckily, I'm confident that the editor that I've handed "Walking Between The Raindrops" to is going to help me do just that.

I'm so excited to announce that the manuscript is in the hands of a professional editor and once they're done, and corrections and changes are made, the book will finally be ready to launch!

Check back for more news coming soon!

Who would you pick?

A common remark throughout this experience has been, "This isn't like real life. This is like a movie!" Because I have a film background, the comparison isn't lost on me. As the book has taken form and all the details were written down, including reports, interrogations and testimony, it has often reminded me of writing a script.  Paul and I have even talked about who we would cast as key characters in a film version of "Walking Between The Raindrops".  

Here are our picks for "Walking Between The Raindrops" (fantasy movie) with Paul's choices first and mine 2nd.  Sometimes we agreed but most of the time, we didn't:

Character - Paul

or

Character - Tom

or

Character - Detective James Maugham (too late, we picked)

Character - Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann

or

Character - Sergeant Pete Hughey (again, too late, we picked)

Character - Jana McCown

or ??

Character - Michael Jarrett

or ??

Your turn. Don't feel like you have to cast them all - but pick one or two or more and tell me - who would you pick?

Evidence

In any criminal investigation, the best results come from gathering loads and loads of evidence. We've all watched the shows - CSI, Law and Order, Dragnet and Perry Mason. Legal and crime dramas have been a favorite of mine since I was a little girl. I never imagined, however, that I'd ever experience criminal drama in a first person way. Believe me, it wasn't a desire either. Yet, when I found myself in that position, finding evidence to connect the dots of who, what, when, why and how became a near-obsession immediately. Nothing I theorized, though, holds a candle to the tenacious and thorough work of Detective James Maugham. He's one of the "Texas Heroes" in a earlier post. He was the lead officer in our case and my primary contact throughout the course of events. He never stopped. He listened - even when I thought he didn't hear me. He led the operation, directing various agencies and gathering solid evidence that rescued Paul.

In "Walking Between The Raindrops",  I've tried to walk in his shoes and see this story through his eyes, too, from the first cry for help to the last prison door closing.

Dangerous feelings...

"Anger is a consuming fire that, once out of control, can destroy everything in its path. As I carefully apply foundation and concealer, touch-blend-blend, my mind plays out a myriad of painful, vengeful scenarios for the guest of honor I’m getting all pretty for. Eyeliner: swipe. His throat is slit from ear to ear. Mascara brush: he’s skinned alive. Lipstick red: a .45 hole in his chest. Makeup complete, I look around the bathroom and absently move one thing and another.  I cannot kill him, so, I must be content with killing time."

- "Walking Between The Raindrops"

Call it a bad morning on a tough day. Call it working through a painful situation. Call it what you will but, for that moment in time, I call it mine and I call it honest. Forgiveness is a hard thing to give sometimes, especially when it isn't sought after; when there's no remorse. But, I really think that when we forgive others, we give a gift to ourselves. The moment we forgive another, then we can truly become free from the pain they've caused us.

Criminal Voices

When I started writing "Walking Between The Raindrops," I thought there would only be two voices telling the story - Paul's and mine. But then I requested everything I could get my hands on through the "Open Records Act" from every agency I could think of. As documents, CD's, transcripts and videos were released to me, I began to see that there were many voices to this story - voices that needed to be heard. Detective James Maugham and Ranger Matt Lindemann, Lance Self, many, many law enforcement personnel, former Williamson County First Assistant DA Jana McCown,  Assistant DA Michael Jarrett, our family, friends and the five people arrested and convicted for this terrible crime.

I've tried to be true to each voice and represent them accurately so that my readers will "hear" their words. The hardest part, for me, was listening to the suspect interviews, especially when so much said only showed their patent disrespect for Paul, Tom and themselves. Even so, there were times when they caught me off guard and made me laugh. One of these was an interview with Abraham "AB" Weber by Detective Maugham and Ranger Lindemann:

JAMES: Who, uh, who decided to make the first phone call that morning?

AB: What morning?

JAMES: The morning of, the Wednesday morning at six forty-five in the morning.

AB: Wednesday morning or Thursday morning?

JAMES: Wednesday morning.

AB: I thought he was kidnapped on Tuesday?

JAMES: He was.

MATT: But, nobody called until Wednesday morning.

AB: (surprised) Wednesday?

JAMES: Yup.

AB: Are you sure it was Wednesday morning?

JAMES: A hundred percent, brother.

AB: The first phone call to his brother was Wednesday morning?

MATT: Yup.

AB: Oh.