Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Interesting that so many television shows are now writing episodes that concern PTSD and how it affects lives. "Madame Secretary's" latest offering centered around Tea Leoni's character being caught in an ambush as she visited a dignitary in his home. The writers did a pretty good job of showing what PTSD can look like from outside. I thought the confusion of her family and the growing impatience within the sympathy of her coworkers, while only slightly touched on, was still accurate. But, they only had an hour so the writers seem took the easy way out and, after getting a pep talk, a therapist's business card and telling her husband what really happened "over there" after a game of Halo, everything was right in her world again. It's not that neat. Healing doesn't happen within a prescribed amount of time. Sometimes it doesn't happen at all and that's a shame.

We are committed to giving $1 of every copy of "Walking Between The Raindrops" to the Wounded Warrior Project PTSD. That's just us. You don't have to buy a book to support the incredible work these people are doing to help our soldiers. Please help support them in any way that you can.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland on sale at Amazon.com in paperback and eBook.

Faces of evil

When a mother has a child - most mothers, I believe - she looks into the face of that child, into their eyes, and all she can see is the work of God in her life, in her arms. She sees hope and promise and perfection. As the child grows, she prays for its safety, health and a good life. She prays that it never wants, is never hurt and that only good things will come in that child's life. It doesn't matter if it's her first child or her tenth (or more). Every new life holds that promise and those prayers in her heart.

Still, we all know that no child grows up free from pain or sickness or temptations. As parents and adults, we didn't make it this far without some heartbreak, various illnesses - some life threatening - or mistakes in judgment. Still, we plan and guide and nurture our children as best we can. We pray to our God for mercy and protection and blessings that our children will grow up to be better people than we are; to have love everlasting and make the world a better place. Thankfully, most children do grow up to be happy, healthy and living good lives their parents are proud of. By the Grace of God, Paul and I have been fortunate with our six children. We pray for them every day, just like other parents do around the world for their children. What we don't pray for is that our childrens' lives turn out like the ones in the pictures below. One newspaper called them the "San Antonio Five". I call them the faces of evil.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland on sale now at Amazon.com

Heroes, one and all...

Lt. Pete Hughey, a sergeant with the Williamson County Sheriff's Office at the time of Paul's kidnapping, was also the commanding officer who assigned Detective Maugham to lead the case and brought in Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann. I didn't meet him until later in Victim Services. I'd heard his name mentioned when Tom and Matt had described their trip to San Antonio to meet the kidnappers and knew he'd been there doing what he could to help Tom get through the ordeal. Like Sheriff Wilson, he worked behind the scenes to do everything he could, pull in every resource available, to rescue Paul and arrest the people responsible.

I've only seen him a couple of times since then but each time he has been gracious and welcoming and supportive. It was with great pleasure that Paul and I were able to see him and present him with a copy of the book recently as a tiny token of our deep gratitude for everything his office has done for us. I love this picture. It captures the joy of the moment and the great affection that we feel for Lt. Hughey and all the people working in the Williamson County Sheriff's Office.

Heroes, one and all.

What they're saying

"Walking Between The Raindrops" is finding its way into new homes everywhere and we're starting to get some feedback. People have thoughtfully sent posts to let us know they've received their copy and that they really like the look of it, are surprised at the "heft" of it and plan to read it as soon as possible. I'm going to share with you what people tell me about the book.

"Amazon delivered the book this afternoon and I can't put it down, Mary Roland. Your writing is captivating, but I've got to get some sleep. Haha. I'll finish it this weekend. Your ordeal was terrifying enough before I knew all the details. God answered all those prayers going up for Paul & you. God is good." Barbara G, Texas

"It's heart-wrenching." "Just sends chills down my spine. Thank goodness you guys had the Lord to see you through." Sharon R, Michigan

I agree with them that God is good and He was with us every step of the way even when we weren't sure He was there.

Available Now

It's been a long time coming but the day has finally come and "Walking Between The Raindrops" is on sale in Kindle and print format at Amazon.com. ( Letting go of this book for public consumption is hard to do. I want to keep fixing. I want to make sure it represents truthfully, in every way, the heroes, the victims and the perpetrators. It's hard, too, because this is highly personal and many of these details have never been shared with anyone. We hope that those who read this book will look at the world around them in a little different way. We hope we will all be more aware - be more kind - be more engaged with the ones we love.

The support and encouragement throughout the writing of this book has been phenomenal. Every beta reader has helped to shape the published version. To you, friends, family, co-workers and the incredible heroes who saved the day and fought for justice we are forever grateful. God bless you all.

- Mary and Paul Roland

Who ya gonna call?

Its no news that I've never been a fan of President Obama, but I respect him and the enormous difficulties he's faced and in a recent interview he was asked why is the US always going into these places to fix things? He said, "When these countries get into trouble, they don't call Russia for help. They don't call Beijing. They call us." I don't think I've heard it put better.

People come to this country for many reasons. Even as frightening as having persons with Ebola enter our country, you know they come here because they want the best chance of survival. They aren't going to Canada or Mexico or Europe. When refugees stream across our borders, many times at great personal risks, they are coming for justice and a better life. They don't sneak into Brazil or Venezuela.

And, while there is no perfect place, no perfect people, American people depend on and respect their law enforcement officers more than any other country I know of. Bad situations are still so rare that they make headlines. We are so used them doing the right things that the media ignores the story of the police officer in Michigan who, pulling a woman over for not having her child in a car seat, decided to buy the woman a car seat and install it rather than give her a ticket. The everyday good things are taken for granted.

When Paul was taken from our driveway in Austin, Texas, we didn't turn to a celebrity or a politician. We turned to the Williamson County Sheriff's Department and they brought together a "dream team" of local, state and federal officers within minutes and hours, working non-stop to bring Paul home alive and safe.

This picture, taken later in the day of Paul's rescue, sums up our family's reaction to the events preceding. Our youngest grandson (at the time) literally flew into Paul's arms, hugging him for all he's worth. It was beautiful and it was heart breaking because we all knew how close we'd come to never being able to do that again. I think of this and am so thankful and grateful to God for how this turned out and then I pray for the loved ones and families of all the others being held captive by evil people.

The headlines from around the world would make us believe that evil is, indeed, in charge. Hate, brutality and viciousness dominate the world and local news, even our "entertainment." But I don't buy it. I choose to remember all the good that is done from individual to individual, groups to communities, nations to nations. Let's celebrate the good not the bad. And, should my family need emergency help again, I'm not going to call Russia or Beijing or even President Obama. I'm gonna call the three men above - Detective James Maugham, Captain Pete Hughey and Texas Ranger Captain Matt Lindemann.

In the hands of professionals...

I have this dream that I'm watching a heart surgeon work on a patient. It's about the middle of a surgery, I think, because the chest is open, an ash-gray heart struggles to beat as stainless steel clamps and instruments flash like strobe lights above the patient's chest. There's a lot of blood and surgical assistants mop the brows of the surgeons. For some reason, I'm standing right there - gowned and masked - my gloved hands aloft in the "ready" position. I am not afraid. I am absorbed in the process. That is, until the surgeon turns to me and hands me the heart, the beating heart, and says, "Hold this for a moment. Don't let it fall." Then, I usually wake up.

Well, I feel like I'm the surgeon now and "Walking Between The Raindrops" is the heart. I've worked on it. I've massaged it. I've cut on it. Now, I have to "hand" it to someone else and let them do their part, trusting them to "not let it fall" but to make it thrive. Luckily, I'm confident that the editor that I've handed "Walking Between The Raindrops" to is going to help me do just that.

I'm so excited to announce that the manuscript is in the hands of a professional editor and once they're done, and corrections and changes are made, the book will finally be ready to launch!

Check back for more news coming soon!

Who would you pick?

A common remark throughout this experience has been, "This isn't like real life. This is like a movie!" Because I have a film background, the comparison isn't lost on me. As the book has taken form and all the details were written down, including reports, interrogations and testimony, it has often reminded me of writing a script.  Paul and I have even talked about who we would cast as key characters in a film version of "Walking Between The Raindrops".  

Here are our picks for "Walking Between The Raindrops" (fantasy movie) with Paul's choices first and mine 2nd.  Sometimes we agreed but most of the time, we didn't:

Character - Paul

or

Character - Tom

or

Character - Detective James Maugham (too late, we picked)

Character - Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann

or

Character - Sergeant Pete Hughey (again, too late, we picked)

Character - Jana McCown

or ??

Character - Michael Jarrett

or ??

Your turn. Don't feel like you have to cast them all - but pick one or two or more and tell me - who would you pick?

Unsung Hero

In any situation, there is always that one person who must make the decision as to what next steps will be. If the first steps are wrong or delayed or left out entirely, disastrous consequences can result. It's hard to make up for lost time; sometimes its just impossible. That person is more likely to remain unknown unless things go horribly wrong. This is never more true than with law enforcement. We all hear about the mistakes that officers make. It's a rare thing to hear about the heroics that are played out on a daily basis by the men and women who protect and serve.

We were and are fortunate to have Captain Pete Hughey as the one who makes decisions on the next steps for the officers in the Criminal Investigation Department of the Williamson County Sheriff's Department. In "Walking Between The Raindrops", he is the Maestro who leads; the visionary who knows all the right next steps. He never stops. He never gives up. He always expects the best outcomes.

Cover art that captures the terror -

Cover art for a book is almost more important than what's inside - don't you think? I know I've often picked up a book for the cover when I wasn't familiar with the author.  If the synopsis sounded okay, I would buy the book.  But, initially, it was the cover that drew me to it. Some of my favorite authors got my attention, the first time, with carefully crafted book covers.

I had some general ideas for the cover of "Walking Between The Raindrops".  But I'm not a graphic artist by any stretch of the imagination. Our son Tim is very visually artistic and I believe his work, below, has conceptualized the story in a very compelling way.

Here, now - the cover...

The book...

Everything is moving forward toward publishing "Walking Between The Raindrops". The first session of editing is underway, which is to say, my own proofing and tightening. Flaws and errors jump off the pages! I am a very harsh self-critic committed to cutting the first draft to manageable size. So far, I'm through the first section and well into the second. Once these cuts and corrections are made, the whole manuscript will go to another person to edit to final release form. After that, the book will be available in e-book and printed formats.

It's hard to believe.  This project has consumed me for the past year and it is almost completely finished.

Sooner than that, though, will be the unveiling of the book's cover art! Target date for that is June 1. I feel so fortunate to have the cover art that's going on this book. It's more than perfect to me - it totally captures what Paul and I saw in our minds.

Thank you for reading my words and God bless you for your support.

What's in a name?

People have asked me about the title. Did I start with the title? Does it mean something special? No and yes. This book has had several working titles but this one is it. "Walking Between The Raindrops", the title, was inspired by a song I heard from the Almeria album of Lifehouse. "Between The Raindrops" is sung by Lifehouse and Natasha Bedingfield. What I heard was what Paul and I have lived and where we are now.

Writing this book has been easy and difficult, tearful and exultant, frightening and liberating and extremely painful yet healing. It started out simple but became complicated until, as if by itself, it simplified again.

Now that the first pass is done, I look at the editing to come with excitement. Writing is rewriting and rewriting and rewriting. I'm already editing in my mind as I write this! And then, when I'm through with my cuts, I will have other eyes find the mistakes, typos and narrative "fat" to be excised until only the best is left.  That's my prayerful hope. 

A view to a kidnapping

I gathered the CDs and DVDs from the stack of reports and papers I received from my Public Records Request on Paul's kidnapping and started viewing them one by one. Crime scene photos, suspect interviews and surveillance footage played before me like some disjointed movie. Then I saw the shot on one of the snippets. It was so split second that I almost missed it.

I'd seen it before as evidence in court when the case of The State of Texas vs. Bartolo Dominguez, Jr. was tried but the picture was far away and I didn't have my hand on the controls. At that moment in court, my mind was trying to wrap around the fact that Detective James Maugham had sifted through 9 camera angles x 48 hours each of footage to bring the eye witness of a camera lens to the courtroom! Just one of the many reasons I'm glad he was on this case! What an amazing job!

Here now is one of those snippets - look closely at the left side. A van parked near the doorway of some motel room doors. A man opens the van door. Another walks around toward the motel door, probably to open it.
Two of the kidnappers...




"Walking Between The Raindrops"...more to come...stay tuned.