Faces of evil

When a mother has a child - most mothers, I believe - she looks into the face of that child, into their eyes, and all she can see is the work of God in her life, in her arms. She sees hope and promise and perfection. As the child grows, she prays for its safety, health and a good life. She prays that it never wants, is never hurt and that only good things will come in that child's life. It doesn't matter if it's her first child or her tenth (or more). Every new life holds that promise and those prayers in her heart.

Still, we all know that no child grows up free from pain or sickness or temptations. As parents and adults, we didn't make it this far without some heartbreak, various illnesses - some life threatening - or mistakes in judgment. Still, we plan and guide and nurture our children as best we can. We pray to our God for mercy and protection and blessings that our children will grow up to be better people than we are; to have love everlasting and make the world a better place. Thankfully, most children do grow up to be happy, healthy and living good lives their parents are proud of. By the Grace of God, Paul and I have been fortunate with our six children. We pray for them every day, just like other parents do around the world for their children. What we don't pray for is that our childrens' lives turn out like the ones in the pictures below. One newspaper called them the "San Antonio Five". I call them the faces of evil.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland on sale now at Amazon.com

Available Now

It's been a long time coming but the day has finally come and "Walking Between The Raindrops" is on sale in Kindle and print format at Amazon.com. ( Letting go of this book for public consumption is hard to do. I want to keep fixing. I want to make sure it represents truthfully, in every way, the heroes, the victims and the perpetrators. It's hard, too, because this is highly personal and many of these details have never been shared with anyone. We hope that those who read this book will look at the world around them in a little different way. We hope we will all be more aware - be more kind - be more engaged with the ones we love.

The support and encouragement throughout the writing of this book has been phenomenal. Every beta reader has helped to shape the published version. To you, friends, family, co-workers and the incredible heroes who saved the day and fought for justice we are forever grateful. God bless you all.

- Mary and Paul Roland

In the hands of professionals...

I have this dream that I'm watching a heart surgeon work on a patient. It's about the middle of a surgery, I think, because the chest is open, an ash-gray heart struggles to beat as stainless steel clamps and instruments flash like strobe lights above the patient's chest. There's a lot of blood and surgical assistants mop the brows of the surgeons. For some reason, I'm standing right there - gowned and masked - my gloved hands aloft in the "ready" position. I am not afraid. I am absorbed in the process. That is, until the surgeon turns to me and hands me the heart, the beating heart, and says, "Hold this for a moment. Don't let it fall." Then, I usually wake up.

Well, I feel like I'm the surgeon now and "Walking Between The Raindrops" is the heart. I've worked on it. I've massaged it. I've cut on it. Now, I have to "hand" it to someone else and let them do their part, trusting them to "not let it fall" but to make it thrive. Luckily, I'm confident that the editor that I've handed "Walking Between The Raindrops" to is going to help me do just that.

I'm so excited to announce that the manuscript is in the hands of a professional editor and once they're done, and corrections and changes are made, the book will finally be ready to launch!

Check back for more news coming soon!

Bad guys

Writing about bad guys in a novel or screenplay is fun. You can design them to fit whatever ulterior motive your story needs. They can be consciously evil or developmentally evil - your choice. You can describe them in terms your reader will immediately associate with "criminal" (think of Javier Bardem in "No Country For Old Men") or, for a "Dexter" character, endow them with smooth good looks and charm.  It's fun and, ultimately, can make or break your story.

Bad guys in true crime are already drawn. As a writer, it's more important to capture their truth as you find it. It's okay to point out their flaws and highlight their strengths, good or bad, but there is no room for redesign. And that's okay. True bad guys - the living, breathing kind - are the blueprints for all the fictional ones anyway. Digging into their stories, hearing their voices and learning the facts of their crimes makes true bad guys much scarier than any movie bad guys to me.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" - Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann and Williamson County Detective James Maugham question a suspect:

MATT: Who does the brother need to be concerned with - watching out for right now?

AB: Them people from over there from Mexico. Them fools don’t play.

MATT: So, you know what they’ll be driving? It’s not like – it’s not Jorge?

AB: Uh-uh. But, they’ll probably come in Tahoes or some shit, which is out of the blue, some low bullshit, shitty cars. Just f***ing go light them up.

What's in a name?

People have asked me about the title. Did I start with the title? Does it mean something special? No and yes. This book has had several working titles but this one is it. "Walking Between The Raindrops", the title, was inspired by a song I heard from the Almeria album of Lifehouse. "Between The Raindrops" is sung by Lifehouse and Natasha Bedingfield. What I heard was what Paul and I have lived and where we are now.

Writing this book has been easy and difficult, tearful and exultant, frightening and liberating and extremely painful yet healing. It started out simple but became complicated until, as if by itself, it simplified again.

Now that the first pass is done, I look at the editing to come with excitement. Writing is rewriting and rewriting and rewriting. I'm already editing in my mind as I write this! And then, when I'm through with my cuts, I will have other eyes find the mistakes, typos and narrative "fat" to be excised until only the best is left.  That's my prayerful hope.