Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Interesting that so many television shows are now writing episodes that concern PTSD and how it affects lives. "Madame Secretary's" latest offering centered around Tea Leoni's character being caught in an ambush as she visited a dignitary in his home. The writers did a pretty good job of showing what PTSD can look like from outside. I thought the confusion of her family and the growing impatience within the sympathy of her coworkers, while only slightly touched on, was still accurate. But, they only had an hour so the writers seem took the easy way out and, after getting a pep talk, a therapist's business card and telling her husband what really happened "over there" after a game of Halo, everything was right in her world again. It's not that neat. Healing doesn't happen within a prescribed amount of time. Sometimes it doesn't happen at all and that's a shame.

We are committed to giving $1 of every copy of "Walking Between The Raindrops" to the Wounded Warrior Project PTSD. That's just us. You don't have to buy a book to support the incredible work these people are doing to help our soldiers. Please help support them in any way that you can.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland on sale at Amazon.com in paperback and eBook.

Why?

Since "Walking Between The Raindrops" went on sale and the television interview was done on KVUE-TV 24, I've had lots of reactions and all of them supportive. Many look at this as a way for Paul and I to heal. Many tell me how brave I am for sharing the story publicly. It has helped the healing process but that's not why I wanted to publish the book. I'm not brave either.

The reason for the book going public is that I see what happened to us as endemic to what is happening around the world. Whether it's religious fanatics, organized crime gangs, political terrorists or any other brand of thug, they are all the same. They are all BULLIES. What I want from publishing this book - what I pray for - is for all of us to stop the bullies who think stealing a PERSON, their sense of self, their family's sense of security and peace is acceptable in any sense. If we don't stand up to them now, we all are liable to be victims to one bully gang or another.

Standing up to bullies is scary, but living in fear is worse. I know.

Where are you on this chart?


"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland - on sale at Amazon.com

Faces of evil

When a mother has a child - most mothers, I believe - she looks into the face of that child, into their eyes, and all she can see is the work of God in her life, in her arms. She sees hope and promise and perfection. As the child grows, she prays for its safety, health and a good life. She prays that it never wants, is never hurt and that only good things will come in that child's life. It doesn't matter if it's her first child or her tenth (or more). Every new life holds that promise and those prayers in her heart.

Still, we all know that no child grows up free from pain or sickness or temptations. As parents and adults, we didn't make it this far without some heartbreak, various illnesses - some life threatening - or mistakes in judgment. Still, we plan and guide and nurture our children as best we can. We pray to our God for mercy and protection and blessings that our children will grow up to be better people than we are; to have love everlasting and make the world a better place. Thankfully, most children do grow up to be happy, healthy and living good lives their parents are proud of. By the Grace of God, Paul and I have been fortunate with our six children. We pray for them every day, just like other parents do around the world for their children. What we don't pray for is that our childrens' lives turn out like the ones in the pictures below. One newspaper called them the "San Antonio Five". I call them the faces of evil.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland on sale now at Amazon.com

"$500,000 by tonight or all you'll need that money for is his funeral." February 27, 2008

That's what the voice on the other end of the phone demanded of my brother-in-law at 6:45AM on Wednesday, February 27, 2008. Paul's been gone just minutes short of 24 hours.Now, we know he's alive. As an added incentive to move quickly, the kidnapper told Tom that Paul was "in a bad way...needs a doctor; maybe a hospital." My stomach lurches at the images of torture and terror that Paul's going through.

Horror turns to panic as the realization hits us that we have less than a day to find HALF A MILLION DOLLARS! Thankfully, a team is growing and assembling in Georgetown, Texas to save the day:

Sergeant Pete Hughey, Detective James Maugham, Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann and First Assistant District Attorney, Jana McKown.

Will they get there in time? Where, on earth, will we ever be able to find that kind of money? Why did this happen?

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland - An American couple's true story of kidnap-for-ransom in the United States by the most Vicious drug cartel in Mexico - on sale now at Amazon.com.

"No one could have ever invented a story like this. I was especially gratified for their honesty ...", February 22, 2015
By Bridget (Tarentum, PA USA)

"A book of true courage," February 5, 2015
By sharon

"This is a very good book. Follows the victims and suspects from the beginning to the end - seeing the suspect in jail and the victims recovering." February 26, 2015, By Barbara

Anniversary of Evil

Abduction happened here.


This Thursday, February 26, 2015, marks 7 years since the morning that turned our world upside down and changed, not only the course, but our whole lives forever. It's been said over and over that our lives can change forever in an instant. Most of us, I know I did, smile and nod as if we know what that means. But I truly believe that until it happens to you, we never really understand and, I don't think we really understand "the Grace of God" until we have only survived because of it. At least, I didn't.

I'll be posting several times over the next several days with photos (some never seen here or in the book) some video and excerpts from "Walking Between The Raindrops" to commemorate this infamous anniversary; ending where we are today.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland - An American couple's true story of kidnap-for-ransom in the United States as directed by the most vicious drug cartel in Mexico. (Now available worldwide on Amazon.com)

Some reviews -

"Excellent read! This could have happened to anyone." Mark Flickinger
"Incredible true story! Very hard to put the book down." Lance Self
"Incredible story! So well written that I find myself rechecking the locks on all my doors at night. The cooperation of all law enforcement agencies restores my faith in the system. Very impressed with the dedication and capability of Investigative and District Attorney personnel in such a small community." Darlene Miller

Do that which is hard -

http://www.kvue.com/media/cinematic/video/23646863/wife-of-central-texas-man-kidnapped-by-drug-cartel-tells-their-story/

A recent interview on a local news show was a big deal to us even if it isn't to anyone else. I don't like to have my picture taken and I'm much more comfortable behind the camera than in front of it. Yet, this had to be done. We stopped talking about the event years ago with the exception of a random mention when either Bobby or Samantha have come up for parole review or if someone asked about how the book was coming along. Not drawing attention to ourselves has become our normal operating procedure.

Once the book was done and out there, I began to think about the inquiries by the media when this all happened back in 2008 and KVUE was the one news station that seemed to actually care about what had happened to Paul not just the sensational bits. So, I picked KVUE as the news station that I would reach out to and, if they were still interested in a story, I would share it with them. We were so pleased and encouraged by their continued sensitivity and coverage. Quita Culpepper and the people at KVUE 24 are what a professional news team should be.

The interview may be good for marketing, but, the big deal, to me, is that we stepped out of the shadows and into the light. We've done that which is hard to continue to take back our lives and know we can keep going.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" on sale in print and Kindle editions at www.amazon.com.

This is how they roll...

In writing "Walking Between The Raindrops", one of the most interesting parts of the research and discovery process, for me, was reading transcripts of interrogations, as well as, watching and listening to video of the five arrested criminals being interviewed. Portions of these interviews, the best parts, are in the book. Most of the interviews took many, many hours and were repeated over time, either to corroborate stories or to assist other agencies in specific aspects of their own investigations. Paul told the officers who'd rescued him that there were many more people involved than the three initially arrested or the five here and he was more right than anyone ever expected! Although 5 were arrested, tried and convicted in his case, there were at least 6-8 more people in Texas who were named by these 5 who may have been arrested later on felony charges of credit card theft, auto grand theft and other crimes in other jurisdictions because of the investigative work done on this case. Or, they're still out there - for now. Still others, in Mexico, are either in prison, dead or at large.

I don't know what I expected the first time I watched the interviews. They each had their own "shtick" which Det. Maugham and Ranger Lindemann easily handled. AB was a talker. Bart was the tough guy (in his own head). Samantha played little lost stoner-girl. Bobby played stupid white guy. Jorge tried to play dumb on many levels. Yet, they each rolled, in one way or another, hoping to get out of the trouble they'd so cavalierly landed themselves into. Some of their words are chilling, some are ironic and, in Jorge's case, some are nearly laughable. In each case, "Walking Between The Raindrops" allows readers to sit inside the room and hear their words exactly as they said them.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland is available in print and Kindle, in the US, Canada, Mexico and Europe on Amazon.com.

Available Now

It's been a long time coming but the day has finally come and "Walking Between The Raindrops" is on sale in Kindle and print format at Amazon.com. ( Letting go of this book for public consumption is hard to do. I want to keep fixing. I want to make sure it represents truthfully, in every way, the heroes, the victims and the perpetrators. It's hard, too, because this is highly personal and many of these details have never been shared with anyone. We hope that those who read this book will look at the world around them in a little different way. We hope we will all be more aware - be more kind - be more engaged with the ones we love.

The support and encouragement throughout the writing of this book has been phenomenal. Every beta reader has helped to shape the published version. To you, friends, family, co-workers and the incredible heroes who saved the day and fought for justice we are forever grateful. God bless you all.

- Mary and Paul Roland

Los Zetas Cartel - Gone or Rebuilding?

Tying up the end bits of the book and doing a little fact-checking gave me quite a surprise recently. With the arrest of Miguel Trevino and the noticeable decrease in articles about border violence in local news, I was beginning to think that the Los Zetas cartel had splintered into little factions that were south of the border and losing steam. I was wrong. A documentary online recently quoted a government spokesman as saying that Los Zetas were considered the "most technologically advanced, sophisticated, and dangerous cartel operating in Mexico." It went on to say that Los Zetas controlled most of Mexico and was intent on crossing the border to take control of our country as well. An expert that I respect from Stratfor.com, a recognized intelligence resource across all party lines, confirmed their power in Mexico still and that their operation is still based primarily out of Nuevo Laredo (across the U.S. border from Laredo, Texas). Online chatter following the documentary was divided. Some people wrote that other cartels were bigger. Some railed on political themes. A few, the ones that gave me chills, were people writing about the horror of this cartel and what they'd seen firsthand. Others doubted that this cartel or any cartel could do much outside of Mexico.

I have no doubt that our country could defeat any incursion on its soil. I hope that our country can defend against the insidious spread of gang terror. Like black ink dropped into water, it can spread and contaminate every corner. Ask San Antonio, Houston and Dallas if the Los Zetas and other Mexican drug cartels are active within their cities recruiting young people into gangs to do their dirty work. Ask Atlanta, Chicago, Los Angeles and Seattle. Then ask Miami, New York and Detroit. I'm pretty sure they'll tell you "yes".

My point is that I discovered I'd become complacent and secure, lulled in the absence of immediate danger that my world was safe. If "Walking Between The Raindrops" does nothing else, my sincere prayer is that each reader never takes their world for granted but, instead, lives every day alive, awake and with purpose.

Happy 2015! The holidays are behind us and a bright shiny new year awaits. As I move forward with "Walking Between The Raindrops" and get closer to public release, I feel a mix of anticipation, relief and wistfulness. This has been a journey in every sense of the word. Where I was when it began and where I am now are different places completely. The same is true for Paul, too. Older, wiser and, I think more appreciative for every day since February 2008.

It seems only right that our project launch should be soon - close to the 7th anniversary of the event that changed our lives forever. Although I can't give an exact date, I can promise that it is going to happen soon, very soon.

In the hands of professionals...

I have this dream that I'm watching a heart surgeon work on a patient. It's about the middle of a surgery, I think, because the chest is open, an ash-gray heart struggles to beat as stainless steel clamps and instruments flash like strobe lights above the patient's chest. There's a lot of blood and surgical assistants mop the brows of the surgeons. For some reason, I'm standing right there - gowned and masked - my gloved hands aloft in the "ready" position. I am not afraid. I am absorbed in the process. That is, until the surgeon turns to me and hands me the heart, the beating heart, and says, "Hold this for a moment. Don't let it fall." Then, I usually wake up.

Well, I feel like I'm the surgeon now and "Walking Between The Raindrops" is the heart. I've worked on it. I've massaged it. I've cut on it. Now, I have to "hand" it to someone else and let them do their part, trusting them to "not let it fall" but to make it thrive. Luckily, I'm confident that the editor that I've handed "Walking Between The Raindrops" to is going to help me do just that.

I'm so excited to announce that the manuscript is in the hands of a professional editor and once they're done, and corrections and changes are made, the book will finally be ready to launch!

Check back for more news coming soon!

GANGS - Everything I never wanted to know

Are you an expert at something? Is there something that you know more about than just about anyone else you know? Is it your passion? Your career? Maybe both? I wish I could say that I was passionate about what I've become more knowledgeable than just about everyone I know. Over the last few years, I've immersed myself in everything gang-related, specifically, Mexican drug cartels, for research in the writing of "Walking Between The Raindrops". This isn't a part of the world that I was even curious about before and I don't think they're glamorous or exciting. On the contrary - I know they are as dangerous as any terrorist organization in the world. I wanted to understand how they operated, what their tactics are and maybe get just a little insight into why they exist. I learned many, many things about these gangs and have some theories, but I still have more questions than answers.

Take this guy, for example:

Until last summer, he was the top enchilada of the notorious Los Zetas Drug Cartel. He'd risen to the top of the "queso" by outliving his predecessors and killing everyone else in his way. He is "Z-40" to his crew and notorious to law enforcement on both sides of the border. Even his closest friends feared him and his favorite brand of torture - "el guiso" or soup, where a victim is bound and beaten, then put into a 50-gallon drum of gasoline and set on fire. One close associate told a journalist that Z-40 couldn't sleep unless he'd killed at least one person a day. Accounts of his ruthless violence would smack of urban legend if it weren't for the pile of bodies he left behind all over Mexico. Yet, he recruited and led hundreds, maybe thousands of young men and women (yes, women) on both sides of the border with the promise of money and belonging.

He's not the top enchilada for that group anymore. Last summer he was arrested by the Mexican Army and whisked away to a prison near Mexico City. His brother is the leader now. And the beat goes on. I wanted to think that people got into gangs because they wanted power over others, easy money and to feel tough. Maybe some do. But how do you explain 12 and 13-year old kids wielding assault rifles and participating in murder for hire?

My theory now? As long as there are young people in the world with no structure in their lives, they will seek it out. When young people feel they have no family, they will seek a family out. If a young person has no hope of ever making their life better, they are easy to exploit with the promise of money. Young people will look for acceptance and expectations, reward and punishment in other groups if they are not receiving it at home. Everyone wants to belong somewhere. My theory is that young people who get into gangs are initially seeking family, love, respect and order even if it kills them.

Evidence

In any criminal investigation, the best results come from gathering loads and loads of evidence. We've all watched the shows - CSI, Law and Order, Dragnet and Perry Mason. Legal and crime dramas have been a favorite of mine since I was a little girl. I never imagined, however, that I'd ever experience criminal drama in a first person way. Believe me, it wasn't a desire either. Yet, when I found myself in that position, finding evidence to connect the dots of who, what, when, why and how became a near-obsession immediately. Nothing I theorized, though, holds a candle to the tenacious and thorough work of Detective James Maugham. He's one of the "Texas Heroes" in a earlier post. He was the lead officer in our case and my primary contact throughout the course of events. He never stopped. He listened - even when I thought he didn't hear me. He led the operation, directing various agencies and gathering solid evidence that rescued Paul.

In "Walking Between The Raindrops",  I've tried to walk in his shoes and see this story through his eyes, too, from the first cry for help to the last prison door closing.

"Comply and you won't die!"

It was a typical February morning in Austin, Texas. A light frost from the night before still clung to everything, including the truck parked outside the garage. The sun wasn't quite up yet so the exterior lights bounced and reflected off surfaces making everything sparkle. He carried his briefcase and a cup of coffee through the open garage and walked toward his truck. He thought about the day ahead of him; what he could do to keep their existing crews busy, new business to get finalized and making sure other projects were ready to start. He and his brother run a very successful electrical contracting company that wires new apartment projects all over the state of Texas.

He was thinking about that as he cleared the opening of the garage and stepped onto the driveway. He didn't see the masked men until it was too late. Two men wearing hoodies over their heads and bandanas over their faces jumped him. The bigger man pointed a large black pistol at his head and barked, "Comply and you won't die!"

Lance Self was the first victim. This attack happened on February 6, 2008, in Travis County and was filed as an attempted home invasion/burglary. Through the diligence and hard work of Williamson County Detective James Maugham, Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann, Williamson County First Assistant DA Jana McCown and Assistant DA Michael Jarrett, Lance's attackers were brought to justice.

Williamson County Detective James Maugham

Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann

Michael Jarrett and Jana McCown

Paul Roland and Lance Self

#1 Hero

There is one person that, despite the personal cost to himself, was as much and, it could be argued, more, a hero than the deputies and the rangers and all the other officers involved. Taking nothing away from them, because they are most definitely larger than life stars in our world, the Number 1 hero in "Walking Between The Raindrops" is Paul Roland. He was terrified, yet he remained calm. He was ready to die but he kept holding onto God's hand, trusting that He would prevail. He never gave up and he never stopped trying to leave us clues. His strength throughout his captors' torture and threats is amazing. Torture and torment that would have destroyed most of us.

Paul Roland is Hero #1 in my book and in my life.

A view to a kidnapping

I gathered the CDs and DVDs from the stack of reports and papers I received from my Public Records Request on Paul's kidnapping and started viewing them one by one. Crime scene photos, suspect interviews and surveillance footage played before me like some disjointed movie. Then I saw the shot on one of the snippets. It was so split second that I almost missed it.

I'd seen it before as evidence in court when the case of The State of Texas vs. Bartolo Dominguez, Jr. was tried but the picture was far away and I didn't have my hand on the controls. At that moment in court, my mind was trying to wrap around the fact that Detective James Maugham had sifted through 9 camera angles x 48 hours each of footage to bring the eye witness of a camera lens to the courtroom! Just one of the many reasons I'm glad he was on this case! What an amazing job!

Here now is one of those snippets - look closely at the left side. A van parked near the doorway of some motel room doors. A man opens the van door. Another walks around toward the motel door, probably to open it.
Two of the kidnappers...




"Walking Between The Raindrops"...more to come...stay tuned.

It could have been you...

On a crisp Tuesday morning, February 26, 2008, Paul walked through the garage attached to our apartment to get into his truck and go to work. It was no different than any other morning. The apartment complex, located in a growing area of north Austin, full of working families, professional singles and a few retirees was quiet. Kids roamed through the parking lot on their way to waiting school buses. People got into their cars and headed out to work.

At the same time, two young people, a man and a woman dressed in hoodies and jeans, hung out beside the mail kiosk across from Paul's truck waiting for him to open his back truck door and put his briefcase and laptop inside. While his back was turned the man ran up behind him.

"Are you Paul?"

"Yes," Paul said as he turned.

The man jams a gun into his ribs and forces Paul into his own truck, striking him several times. The woman then joins them, helping the man push Paul further inside and onto the floor so the man can climb into the truck on top of Paul. The woman drives the truck out of the complex. Shortly after that, Paul and his truck are turned over to others; others who demand $500,000 ransom within 15 hours or promise torture and death to him if they aren't paid.

Through the years people have asked lots of questions about this but mostly they ask, "Why Paul?" Maybe because he's such a nice person. Maybe because they hope that whatever the reason, it could never have been them.

Paul didn't know these people and didn't owe anyone a debt. He isn't a high profile politician or celebrity. He wasn't and isn't involved in drug trafficking. He isn't a journalist or high ranking officer of a global corporation.  He wasn't the first target of this gang. He isn't the last target of criminals like them. It could have been anyone...even you.

UPDATE TO THIS POST - I think about this picture and this synopsis of what happened especially when, twice a year, we are notified that two of the convicted kidnappers are being reviewed for early parole and then two more times when we are contacted by the parole board to learn of their decision. So far, neither one of them has earned early release and, with quarterly reminders, neither have we.


In "Walking Between The Raindrops," walk in Paul's steps as he's kidnapped, terrorized and moments from certain death. Follow law enforcement as they chase the suspects - sometimes only seconds away - to save two brothers from the hands of the most vicious drug lord in Mexico and agonize with the family who waits.