Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Interesting that so many television shows are now writing episodes that concern PTSD and how it affects lives. "Madame Secretary's" latest offering centered around Tea Leoni's character being caught in an ambush as she visited a dignitary in his home. The writers did a pretty good job of showing what PTSD can look like from outside. I thought the confusion of her family and the growing impatience within the sympathy of her coworkers, while only slightly touched on, was still accurate. But, they only had an hour so the writers seem took the easy way out and, after getting a pep talk, a therapist's business card and telling her husband what really happened "over there" after a game of Halo, everything was right in her world again. It's not that neat. Healing doesn't happen within a prescribed amount of time. Sometimes it doesn't happen at all and that's a shame.

We are committed to giving $1 of every copy of "Walking Between The Raindrops" to the Wounded Warrior Project PTSD. That's just us. You don't have to buy a book to support the incredible work these people are doing to help our soldiers. Please help support them in any way that you can.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland on sale at Amazon.com in paperback and eBook.

Faces of evil

When a mother has a child - most mothers, I believe - she looks into the face of that child, into their eyes, and all she can see is the work of God in her life, in her arms. She sees hope and promise and perfection. As the child grows, she prays for its safety, health and a good life. She prays that it never wants, is never hurt and that only good things will come in that child's life. It doesn't matter if it's her first child or her tenth (or more). Every new life holds that promise and those prayers in her heart.

Still, we all know that no child grows up free from pain or sickness or temptations. As parents and adults, we didn't make it this far without some heartbreak, various illnesses - some life threatening - or mistakes in judgment. Still, we plan and guide and nurture our children as best we can. We pray to our God for mercy and protection and blessings that our children will grow up to be better people than we are; to have love everlasting and make the world a better place. Thankfully, most children do grow up to be happy, healthy and living good lives their parents are proud of. By the Grace of God, Paul and I have been fortunate with our six children. We pray for them every day, just like other parents do around the world for their children. What we don't pray for is that our childrens' lives turn out like the ones in the pictures below. One newspaper called them the "San Antonio Five". I call them the faces of evil.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland on sale now at Amazon.com

Anniversary of Evil

Abduction happened here.


This Thursday, February 26, 2015, marks 7 years since the morning that turned our world upside down and changed, not only the course, but our whole lives forever. It's been said over and over that our lives can change forever in an instant. Most of us, I know I did, smile and nod as if we know what that means. But I truly believe that until it happens to you, we never really understand and, I don't think we really understand "the Grace of God" until we have only survived because of it. At least, I didn't.

I'll be posting several times over the next several days with photos (some never seen here or in the book) some video and excerpts from "Walking Between The Raindrops" to commemorate this infamous anniversary; ending where we are today.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland - An American couple's true story of kidnap-for-ransom in the United States as directed by the most vicious drug cartel in Mexico. (Now available worldwide on Amazon.com)

Some reviews -

"Excellent read! This could have happened to anyone." Mark Flickinger
"Incredible true story! Very hard to put the book down." Lance Self
"Incredible story! So well written that I find myself rechecking the locks on all my doors at night. The cooperation of all law enforcement agencies restores my faith in the system. Very impressed with the dedication and capability of Investigative and District Attorney personnel in such a small community." Darlene Miller

Los Zetas Cartel - Gone or Rebuilding?

Tying up the end bits of the book and doing a little fact-checking gave me quite a surprise recently. With the arrest of Miguel Trevino and the noticeable decrease in articles about border violence in local news, I was beginning to think that the Los Zetas cartel had splintered into little factions that were south of the border and losing steam. I was wrong. A documentary online recently quoted a government spokesman as saying that Los Zetas were considered the "most technologically advanced, sophisticated, and dangerous cartel operating in Mexico." It went on to say that Los Zetas controlled most of Mexico and was intent on crossing the border to take control of our country as well. An expert that I respect from Stratfor.com, a recognized intelligence resource across all party lines, confirmed their power in Mexico still and that their operation is still based primarily out of Nuevo Laredo (across the U.S. border from Laredo, Texas). Online chatter following the documentary was divided. Some people wrote that other cartels were bigger. Some railed on political themes. A few, the ones that gave me chills, were people writing about the horror of this cartel and what they'd seen firsthand. Others doubted that this cartel or any cartel could do much outside of Mexico.

I have no doubt that our country could defeat any incursion on its soil. I hope that our country can defend against the insidious spread of gang terror. Like black ink dropped into water, it can spread and contaminate every corner. Ask San Antonio, Houston and Dallas if the Los Zetas and other Mexican drug cartels are active within their cities recruiting young people into gangs to do their dirty work. Ask Atlanta, Chicago, Los Angeles and Seattle. Then ask Miami, New York and Detroit. I'm pretty sure they'll tell you "yes".

My point is that I discovered I'd become complacent and secure, lulled in the absence of immediate danger that my world was safe. If "Walking Between The Raindrops" does nothing else, my sincere prayer is that each reader never takes their world for granted but, instead, lives every day alive, awake and with purpose.

Happy 2015! The holidays are behind us and a bright shiny new year awaits. As I move forward with "Walking Between The Raindrops" and get closer to public release, I feel a mix of anticipation, relief and wistfulness. This has been a journey in every sense of the word. Where I was when it began and where I am now are different places completely. The same is true for Paul, too. Older, wiser and, I think more appreciative for every day since February 2008.

It seems only right that our project launch should be soon - close to the 7th anniversary of the event that changed our lives forever. Although I can't give an exact date, I can promise that it is going to happen soon, very soon.

In the hands of professionals...

I have this dream that I'm watching a heart surgeon work on a patient. It's about the middle of a surgery, I think, because the chest is open, an ash-gray heart struggles to beat as stainless steel clamps and instruments flash like strobe lights above the patient's chest. There's a lot of blood and surgical assistants mop the brows of the surgeons. For some reason, I'm standing right there - gowned and masked - my gloved hands aloft in the "ready" position. I am not afraid. I am absorbed in the process. That is, until the surgeon turns to me and hands me the heart, the beating heart, and says, "Hold this for a moment. Don't let it fall." Then, I usually wake up.

Well, I feel like I'm the surgeon now and "Walking Between The Raindrops" is the heart. I've worked on it. I've massaged it. I've cut on it. Now, I have to "hand" it to someone else and let them do their part, trusting them to "not let it fall" but to make it thrive. Luckily, I'm confident that the editor that I've handed "Walking Between The Raindrops" to is going to help me do just that.

I'm so excited to announce that the manuscript is in the hands of a professional editor and once they're done, and corrections and changes are made, the book will finally be ready to launch!

Check back for more news coming soon!

GANGS - Everything I never wanted to know

Are you an expert at something? Is there something that you know more about than just about anyone else you know? Is it your passion? Your career? Maybe both? I wish I could say that I was passionate about what I've become more knowledgeable than just about everyone I know. Over the last few years, I've immersed myself in everything gang-related, specifically, Mexican drug cartels, for research in the writing of "Walking Between The Raindrops". This isn't a part of the world that I was even curious about before and I don't think they're glamorous or exciting. On the contrary - I know they are as dangerous as any terrorist organization in the world. I wanted to understand how they operated, what their tactics are and maybe get just a little insight into why they exist. I learned many, many things about these gangs and have some theories, but I still have more questions than answers.

Take this guy, for example:

Until last summer, he was the top enchilada of the notorious Los Zetas Drug Cartel. He'd risen to the top of the "queso" by outliving his predecessors and killing everyone else in his way. He is "Z-40" to his crew and notorious to law enforcement on both sides of the border. Even his closest friends feared him and his favorite brand of torture - "el guiso" or soup, where a victim is bound and beaten, then put into a 50-gallon drum of gasoline and set on fire. One close associate told a journalist that Z-40 couldn't sleep unless he'd killed at least one person a day. Accounts of his ruthless violence would smack of urban legend if it weren't for the pile of bodies he left behind all over Mexico. Yet, he recruited and led hundreds, maybe thousands of young men and women (yes, women) on both sides of the border with the promise of money and belonging.

He's not the top enchilada for that group anymore. Last summer he was arrested by the Mexican Army and whisked away to a prison near Mexico City. His brother is the leader now. And the beat goes on. I wanted to think that people got into gangs because they wanted power over others, easy money and to feel tough. Maybe some do. But how do you explain 12 and 13-year old kids wielding assault rifles and participating in murder for hire?

My theory now? As long as there are young people in the world with no structure in their lives, they will seek it out. When young people feel they have no family, they will seek a family out. If a young person has no hope of ever making their life better, they are easy to exploit with the promise of money. Young people will look for acceptance and expectations, reward and punishment in other groups if they are not receiving it at home. Everyone wants to belong somewhere. My theory is that young people who get into gangs are initially seeking family, love, respect and order even if it kills them.

"Comply and you won't die!"

It was a typical February morning in Austin, Texas. A light frost from the night before still clung to everything, including the truck parked outside the garage. The sun wasn't quite up yet so the exterior lights bounced and reflected off surfaces making everything sparkle. He carried his briefcase and a cup of coffee through the open garage and walked toward his truck. He thought about the day ahead of him; what he could do to keep their existing crews busy, new business to get finalized and making sure other projects were ready to start. He and his brother run a very successful electrical contracting company that wires new apartment projects all over the state of Texas.

He was thinking about that as he cleared the opening of the garage and stepped onto the driveway. He didn't see the masked men until it was too late. Two men wearing hoodies over their heads and bandanas over their faces jumped him. The bigger man pointed a large black pistol at his head and barked, "Comply and you won't die!"

Lance Self was the first victim. This attack happened on February 6, 2008, in Travis County and was filed as an attempted home invasion/burglary. Through the diligence and hard work of Williamson County Detective James Maugham, Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann, Williamson County First Assistant DA Jana McCown and Assistant DA Michael Jarrett, Lance's attackers were brought to justice.

Williamson County Detective James Maugham

Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann

Michael Jarrett and Jana McCown

Paul Roland and Lance Self

Bad guys

Writing about bad guys in a novel or screenplay is fun. You can design them to fit whatever ulterior motive your story needs. They can be consciously evil or developmentally evil - your choice. You can describe them in terms your reader will immediately associate with "criminal" (think of Javier Bardem in "No Country For Old Men") or, for a "Dexter" character, endow them with smooth good looks and charm.  It's fun and, ultimately, can make or break your story.

Bad guys in true crime are already drawn. As a writer, it's more important to capture their truth as you find it. It's okay to point out their flaws and highlight their strengths, good or bad, but there is no room for redesign. And that's okay. True bad guys - the living, breathing kind - are the blueprints for all the fictional ones anyway. Digging into their stories, hearing their voices and learning the facts of their crimes makes true bad guys much scarier than any movie bad guys to me.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" - Texas Ranger Matt Lindemann and Williamson County Detective James Maugham question a suspect:

MATT: Who does the brother need to be concerned with - watching out for right now?

AB: Them people from over there from Mexico. Them fools don’t play.

MATT: So, you know what they’ll be driving? It’s not like – it’s not Jorge?

AB: Uh-uh. But, they’ll probably come in Tahoes or some shit, which is out of the blue, some low bullshit, shitty cars. Just f***ing go light them up.