The Fallacy of Closure

"Walking Between The Raindrops" has been out for one year now. It's been more successful than we imagined it would be and our appreciation goes out to those who've supported us, recommended the book to others and the wonderful people who've never turned their backs on us through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

People often say that writing the book must have given us closure. I usually agree and then I thought I'd look up the definition of the word. Miriam Webster defines "closure" as 'a feeling that a bad experience has ended and that you can start to live again in a calm and normal way'. Our reality is not that simple. I wish it were. I don't know how it is for other victims of violent crimes, but, for us, closure is a transient notion. Don't get me wrong, we are much closer to the people we were on February 25, 2008 than who we became the next day. I'd like to think that we're much wiser and living more in the present than ever before; that we don't sweat the small stuff so much.

Days, sometimes weeks, do go by that we don't think about the kidnapping or Mexican drug cartels. We always think about being alert, not getting into set routines and each other's safety; a positive change that will be with us forever. Then, something will trigger the fear and we're inside that fear again.

A car, in my rear view mirror, seems to be following me and I'll give it the opportunity to pass me or I'll purposefully change my route suddenly to "lose" them, all the while feeling my heart begin to race and a knot form in the pit of my stomach. A windowless van pulls up and parks next to us as we're parking and we'll pull out and park somewhere else. Anyone who comes up behind us suddenly will think they've given us a heart attack by the way we jump! The triggers are there.

Recent news of "El Chapo" Guzman escaping Puente Grande Prison reminded us that the cartel boss in our case, Miguel Trevino Morales, "Z-40", was in that same prison when he was arrested. I wondered if Miguel was still there and did a Google search. I discovered he'd been moved to Altiplano Prison in Juarez on the Texas border. He's filed several appeals, had witnesses murdered and complained about his "standard of living". (www.breitbart.com/texas/2015/06/29/cartel-gunmen-silence-star-witness-in-trial-of-los-zetas-boss-in-mexico/) (www.borderlandbeat.com/2015/02/court-orders-manuel-trevino-morales-z40.html) Some might say, "Don't read this stuff!" That's not possible. Not knowing is worse than knowing- at least, for me. We don't dwell on fear but we won't ever stick our heads in the sand again, either.

For us, there is no closure. The door will always be cracked open a tiny bit.

Available in paperback and eBook on Amazon.com

Views and reviews

It's been a few months now since the book came out. I remember how terrified I was to let go of it and hit the "publish" button. Who would read it? Would people who read it think we were looking for attention or, worse, pity? What if the people who meant the most to this story ending well (God, family, law enforcement, district attorneys) were disappointed in us; in me? What if people who've just gotten to know us suddenly turned away from us as so many did before? Would publishing the story be of value to anyone - maybe keep them safer- or would it be just more white noise?

We had and have no marketing budget. We wanted it that way. Early on, we looked at crowd funding, but decided that if this book had legs, it would make it by word-of-mouth. It's still got a long way to go before I'd call it a success in the sales sense, but it has been a success. Thanks to you. If you're one of the many that have bought it and read it and told others about it, you've made it a success and we thank you.

We were honored to speak at a local Rotary group because someone told someone else about the book. I was blessed and honored to be guest author at a local book club recently for the same reason. Blessed even more to be invited to become a member of that group! It's been a wonderful surprise and makes my day when I see a review on Amazon or Good Reads that the person has gotten something valuable from reading the book. In every case, the best thing of all was to hear statements like these:

"My husband and I realized, from the book, that we have too much routine. We're changing that." "I lock the door between my garage and house now." "We don't post minute-by-minute activities on Facebook now." "I'm more alert to where I am and who's around me." "We have started a check-in system in our family because of your book." "We don't open the door to anyone we're not expecting." "I make sure every door is locked, even my car." "We have a construction business and realize that this could have happened - could happen - to us. We are much more careful now."

We can't completely avoid tragedy in our lives. We can't know God's plans for our lives, but, He told us to keep alert; to be ready always. Our prayer is that this book honors the ones who risked their lives to save ours, honors the advocates who fought for justice on Paul's and Lance's behalf and prevents this kind of crime from happening to any other family.

Not an easy victim...

Okay, so now that you know you're a target and why, let's talk about making it harder for someone to "hit" you. This isn't about being afraid. This isn't paranoia. This is about claiming your right to live your life. Everything worthwhile in life takes focus and attention. Your safety and security is no different. While there's no guarantee that you or I or anyone we know and love won't be victim to some horrible event, I believe following a few steps greatly improve our odds.

1. Be aware of your surroundings. Pay attention to the people walking by; make sure they see you see them. Most criminals want to surprise you.
2. Travel in alternate routes. Don't be predictable. If you go the same way, every day, you provide information that could leave you, your family or your home vulnerable.
3. If you tend to work later than your counterparts, don't park in dark or isolated areas.
4. The same for traveling alone. Park in well-lit areas with people. Most criminals don't want witnesses.
5. On traveling and social media - even if its just to a local event. Safer to post after the fact than to post live. Countless news reports have been written about the family who returns home from vacation or a day at the fair to find their home ransacked and their possessions stolen simply because they announced they were going and then that they were gone and every other detail of their itinerary on social media.
6. When hiring anyone to work in or around your home, be very careful not to give your trust to them easily.
7. THE MOST IMPORTANT!! Make sure that you have a good communication plan so that the people you love and that love you always have a reasonable idea of where you are and where they are. There should always be someone who will know when something is wrong within hours, NOT DAYS. We call it "knowing when to worry."

These are just a few ways to avoid becoming a victim. There are lots more. Let's face it, criminals are looking for the easy way out. Don't make it easy for them. You might not get justice, like we did, as shown in this photo:

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland - An American couple's true story of kidnap-for-ransom in the United States as directed by the most vicious drug cartel in Mexico. On sale in paperback and eBook at Amazon.com.

YOU are a target...

Yes, you are. You are either a target or someone looking for a target. I believe its as simple as that. For this post, I'm only going to describe what makes you a target and if one or more of these applies to you...I rest my case:

1. You post on social media where you are, when you're there and who you're with - especially those great vacations.
2. You post personal identifiers on social media about yourself, your family, your job.
3. You take the same route to work or to school or to wherever you regularly go.
4. You don't lock your doors.
5. You don't lock your windows.
6. You leave windows uncovered when you're away or at night.
7. You don't have exterior lighting in key areas or motion sensor lighting outside.
8. You wait until you're at your car to find your keys.
9. You wait until you're at your door to have the door key in hand.
10. You walk in public places reading your phone or texting.
11. You walk in public places looking at the ground.
12. You park your car in areas that are not well-lighted.
13. You go to ATMs (anywhere) at night by yourself.
14. You wear jewelry.
15. You go shopping and, rather than carry items to lock in your car trunk a few at a time (especially during the holidays), you carry too many at once and fumble with keys and bags when you reach your car.
16. You open your door to strangers you aren't expecting and the ones that you are.
17. You employ anyone for anything. (business or personal)
18. You talk to strangers.
19. You travel frequently using public transportation (plane, train, taxi, bus, boat)
20. You work for a person or a corporation.
21. You own a business - small or large.
22. You're related to someone who owns a business.
23. You dress for success.
24. You have children.
25. You have a spouse.
26. You have family.
27. You carry a purse or a wallet.
28. You drive a car.
29. You appear in public at any time, any place.
30. You breathe.

You fit in there somewhere. I know you do. Although YOU are a target, you don't have to be a victim. We know - we wrote a book about learning that.

On sale - Amazon.com

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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Interesting that so many television shows are now writing episodes that concern PTSD and how it affects lives. "Madame Secretary's" latest offering centered around Tea Leoni's character being caught in an ambush as she visited a dignitary in his home. The writers did a pretty good job of showing what PTSD can look like from outside. I thought the confusion of her family and the growing impatience within the sympathy of her coworkers, while only slightly touched on, was still accurate. But, they only had an hour so the writers seem took the easy way out and, after getting a pep talk, a therapist's business card and telling her husband what really happened "over there" after a game of Halo, everything was right in her world again. It's not that neat. Healing doesn't happen within a prescribed amount of time. Sometimes it doesn't happen at all and that's a shame.

We are committed to giving $1 of every copy of "Walking Between The Raindrops" to the Wounded Warrior Project PTSD. That's just us. You don't have to buy a book to support the incredible work these people are doing to help our soldiers. Please help support them in any way that you can.

"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland on sale at Amazon.com in paperback and eBook.

BOOK UPDATE

$1 from EVERY sale of "Walking Between The Raindrops" between 3-15-15 and 4-15-15 (paperback or eBook) will be donated to The Warrior Survivor Project PTSD. Help spread the word! Help the Healing!

On sale at: https://lnkd.in/bGbeJW3

Why?

Since "Walking Between The Raindrops" went on sale and the television interview was done on KVUE-TV 24, I've had lots of reactions and all of them supportive. Many look at this as a way for Paul and I to heal. Many tell me how brave I am for sharing the story publicly. It has helped the healing process but that's not why I wanted to publish the book. I'm not brave either.

The reason for the book going public is that I see what happened to us as endemic to what is happening around the world. Whether it's religious fanatics, organized crime gangs, political terrorists or any other brand of thug, they are all the same. They are all BULLIES. What I want from publishing this book - what I pray for - is for all of us to stop the bullies who think stealing a PERSON, their sense of self, their family's sense of security and peace is acceptable in any sense. If we don't stand up to them now, we all are liable to be victims to one bully gang or another.

Standing up to bullies is scary, but living in fear is worse. I know.

Where are you on this chart?


"Walking Between The Raindrops" by Mary and Paul Roland - on sale at Amazon.com