The Fallacy of Closure

"Walking Between The Raindrops" has been out for one year now. It's been more successful than we imagined it would be and our appreciation goes out to those who've supported us, recommended the book to others and the wonderful people who've never turned their backs on us through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

People often say that writing the book must have given us closure. I usually agree and then I thought I'd look up the definition of the word. Miriam Webster defines "closure" as 'a feeling that a bad experience has ended and that you can start to live again in a calm and normal way'. Our reality is not that simple. I wish it were. I don't know how it is for other victims of violent crimes, but, for us, closure is a transient notion. Don't get me wrong, we are much closer to the people we were on February 25, 2008 than who we became the next day. I'd like to think that we're much wiser and living more in the present than ever before; that we don't sweat the small stuff so much.

Days, sometimes weeks, do go by that we don't think about the kidnapping or Mexican drug cartels. We always think about being alert, not getting into set routines and each other's safety; a positive change that will be with us forever. Then, something will trigger the fear and we're inside that fear again.

A car, in my rear view mirror, seems to be following me and I'll give it the opportunity to pass me or I'll purposefully change my route suddenly to "lose" them, all the while feeling my heart begin to race and a knot form in the pit of my stomach. A windowless van pulls up and parks next to us as we're parking and we'll pull out and park somewhere else. Anyone who comes up behind us suddenly will think they've given us a heart attack by the way we jump! The triggers are there.

Recent news of "El Chapo" Guzman escaping Puente Grande Prison reminded us that the cartel boss in our case, Miguel Trevino Morales, "Z-40", was in that same prison when he was arrested. I wondered if Miguel was still there and did a Google search. I discovered he'd been moved to Altiplano Prison in Juarez on the Texas border. He's filed several appeals, had witnesses murdered and complained about his "standard of living". (www.breitbart.com/texas/2015/06/29/cartel-gunmen-silence-star-witness-in-trial-of-los-zetas-boss-in-mexico/) (www.borderlandbeat.com/2015/02/court-orders-manuel-trevino-morales-z40.html) Some might say, "Don't read this stuff!" That's not possible. Not knowing is worse than knowing- at least, for me. We don't dwell on fear but we won't ever stick our heads in the sand again, either.

For us, there is no closure. The door will always be cracked open a tiny bit.

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